Thursday, May 31, 2007

Put that smile back in place


How is it that talking to someone who allegedly accuses me of remembering him once every 6 months can make me smile more than talking to you?

Screwed up sleeping hours and late nights up alone trigger the playing of Gwen Stefani's '4 In The Morning' on repeat, and somehow, amidst all this numbness, random snippets of life are triggered, and I am reminded of scenes of hanging out in my room for hours on end.

It's funny how my entries spike exponentially during certain periods of my life. A good destressing method, if anything...I presume?

Don't mind me =)

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

'A woman's heart is like an ocean full of secrets'.

Someone once commented that I must have been born in the wrong era of music and movies. I seem to be stuck in the 90's when it comes to the entertainment industry. With the exception of Zhou Jie Lun and R&B of course.

But a vast majority of my favourite films of all time exist from the 90's.

And recently, I downloaded Titanic to rewatch again.

My friend told me I was mad.

I found it strangely captivating, especially the last bit when she was going down and everything was finally coming to an end...lost under thousands of feet of icy, cold water.

Then I realised all the times that I had been feeling pensive over what I had 'lost' the past 1 and a half years, was in fact, a misconception.

Instead I realise now I had voluntarily thrown it out of my life.

When I dreamt that I had been shot, I also dreamt that you saved me. And that came to my mind, a split second after I woke up, still reeling from the shock and thinking that it was real. For a moment, I was strangely comforted, and then the feeling passed.

I never realised how much I had relied on you until you ceased to exist. I guess you were the one who was around, most of the time, when turmoil and tension weren't boiling forth by the minute. But you never really did much, except be THERE.

And that's just not enough anymore, is it?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

No Miracle This Time

To be fair, I think Milan probably deserved to be dubbed European Champions more than Liverpool.

When you are erratic and you play inconsistently ALL the time (rolls eyes), you don't deserve to win the Champions League. And I guess this time there was no second miracle for the Reds.

*sigh* I'm having mixed feelings at the moment. Enough to trigger a blog post, at least. Lol Yes, I am updating *wow!*.

Anyway, back to my analysis of this 2007 Champions League Final. I DIDN'T watch it....Surprise Surprise! Hahaha. That's probably why S*man keeps saying I'm not a true Liverpool fan. But ANYWAYYYY.....Fillipo Inzaghi is currently OFF my list of favourite footballers. I remember I used to like him ALOT last time. Well, at least it wasn't Kaka. Hehe. Oh welll oh well~ I guess that's the way things are when you rely on one person, i.e. Steven Gerrard to do all the scoring, and when his boots aren't looking so good one particular match, you are screwed =P

Liverpool, you better BUCK UP NXT SEASON!

I know I'm weird, but I am superstitious when it comes to footie matches. To me, every time there is an important final and the team I root for happens to be a part of it (much to everyone's surprise), I always see two outcomes: one good, and one bad. OKAY, I know I sound like I'm off my rockers, but it's just me. Lol.

To some extent, I'm wondering what will happen this time with Liverpool's defeat. I can already see one bad sign in my life: I could have FREAKING DONE SO MUCH BETTER for my interview than just now. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I have never NEVER NEVERRRRRR blanked out before in the midst of an interview, and for a few seconds here and there, I did!!!! I mean, I wasn't horrendous. But I could have been really perfect! Argh.

*Okay, Shing. Don't stress. Don't stress. It's not that important. It's only 2%. The assessment is the major component that will make or break you*

Hmm....I shall ramble on more so that Woogui will not keep shouting on my tagboard about me not updating when she herself is becoming more cryptic than I can ever be with no words in her posts. Lol.

- Volunteered at the children's cancer ward yesterday. It was...erm.....okay I guess. There were too little people volunteering this week to make a good, productive session out of it, so we were pretty laid back and not doing much except re-decorating the place. Also, most of the children weren't feeling very well that day :S I know this sounds incredibly cliched and cheesy, but it really pains me to see them sometimes. The chemo machine beside the bed, the IVs, the bedpans, the caps on their heads.....-sigh- I often wonder if this were to happen to me, if I could ever be as strong (mentally) as the parent who sits by their beds for those long days or weeks.

- Felt dissatisfied about an A- I found out that I got for my essay, and then felt ungrateful after because the average mark ppl seemed to be getting was a B. Oh well, essays don't prove anything, really. They just prove you're good at crapping. Haha. Still, have to prove myself a bit more for the next essay. And to be fair, I didn't really put that much effort into my last one. Didn't even want to edit it anymore for the final time before I submitted it because I was sick of it.

- Watched the finale of Greys over and over again. Not that I liked it that much. Why is it that I seem to like Season 2 more than Season 3? Hmmm. I started off the show liking Meredith much more than everyone else, thinking that I get Meredith, because I seem to be able to connect much more with her character. Now, at the end of Season 3, I seem to be more into Cristina than Meredith. And my annoyance at Izzie has wavered off completely. I actually FEEL for her now, instead of just wishing she would snap out of her emo-ness. I still get Meredith at some points, though. Meredith is strange, and bizarre in the weirdest ways - such as measuring her own happiness against the success of Cristina's journey to the altar, but I get her for that. But I feel that at this point now, I could do with a lot more Cristina in my personality. Haha.

- Caught up with a really old friend (we go all the way back to Primary 1!) who stopped over for a while on the way home for hols. It was nice because I hadn't seen her in over a year and we managed to talk quite a bit. Also, talking to her managed to change my view of priorities in life slightly, and I'm really quite thankful for that.

Sometimes I feel irritated at myself because I get annoyed at certain people, and then I check myself and say that I SHOULDN'T be annoyed, because he/she is my friend. He/she has done alot for me, and I should be grateful. But I still can't help it at times. I know no one is perfect, myself included. But sometimes people should just look into the mirror when they are at the ugliest of forms (emotionally) and make sure they don't cross all those unwritten boundaries. Because when you push me, the least I can do is retaliate after one or two trials. I can't remain stoic and take your crap every single time.

And then there are those people who just say all the WRONG things at the wrong times. When someone, say, cuts herself on the arm with a knife, and the wound is significant, do you rub salt into their wound? Do you hang around and state the painful truth saying 'OMG! That's such a bad cut! It's so deep! How in the world can you be so clumsy?!' ? As a friend, you're supposed to offer words of empathy and concern. Some friends choose to hide it on the surface and display their concern in a less obvious way, and many people have different ways of showing it, but so far I have been nothing less than endlessly thankful of my friends (my bestie, my person, my TG girls and my Rummies girls) for their blessed presence in my life. I cannot emphasise enough on how I wish some of my High School or other friends could be more like them. I know it's unfair to pinpoint as such, but when people really get on your edge, you start to realise the truth in it all.

Insensitivity. Blatant rudeness. Hypocritical actions. Lying. Indifference. Belittling tendencies.

In copious amounts, these are what get to me the most. And I'm sure, any other living, breathing person.

Lol. Okay, okay. Breathe. I'm not depressed or upset or emotionally affected by anyone in any way (especially not anyone I have been previously associated with in the past...please. lol). It was just a general outburst of thoughts because I have been on the receiving end of potentially ticking-off things for the last 2 weeks or so. And I have been behaving like a model human being by brushing everything off and channeling my days and nights into important, academic matters.

I have some pics but the uploading thing doesn't seem to work. Hmmm.

On a happier note, Zhin always knows how to put the smile back on my face :) Pity how I only always rmb to talk to him when I feel a little crappy though. Hehe.

~ Awesome and out ~

PS: Hanna, bring back an olive for me. LOL. Or a figurine of Zeus. Hurhur.