In between some random surfing of the web and procrastinating, I came across some blog posts that then inspired me to write one of my own: a letter to my 16-year-old self, a stroll down memory lane to reassure that teenage girl back then about the ups and downs that had seemed larger than life again.
Dear 16-Year-Old Shing,
When December finally swung around and Form 4 finally ended, I know it seemed like all too much of a relief because that ridiculously long and tumultuous year felt like it would never end. Firstly, I wish I could have given you a good shaking in the beginning back then when you started off the year taking Form 4 for granted, just because you thought topping the class for the past 10 years before was a sure-win even though you knew very well that you were being placed in a highly-pressurised environment with all the other straight A students from the other classes.
And even though it was good that you finally gathered your wits about you and went on to maintain the straight A's that were so expected of you, but I wish you could have had someone like me to tell you back then that no matter how brilliant you were in High School, no matter how many straight A1's you scored in SPM later on, or during your A-Levels, no one could ever have predicted the slump in intellect and discipline when you entered Medical School....when you were in the same class as 300 other aspiring doctors who are 10 times smarter and sharper than you.
Having said that, Shing, it is no good to harp on the negatives. You should dwell on the positives while you still can. Amidst those chatting / note-writing sessions you had with your bestie Manda during Sejarah lessons, BM lessons and more, despite how many times teachers might have caught you guys out for not paying attention: believe me when I say this, you should have spent MORE lessons gossiping with Manda instead of listening to the Sejarah lesson drone on and on.
Because you would not have come to realise in those days of seeing her for 8 hours or more EVERY single day, that one day would come when the two of you would be half a world apart, and that the last time you saw each other would be 4 whole years ago.
And the same would apply for your other amazing girl friends. At this point you will not know it yet, but a time will come when you realise that everyone has moved on leading their own lives, turning into hotshot architects, lawyers, physiotherapists and doctors, but the one thing to be grateful for is that you have still been able to see Voon on an annual basis, for standard Kch-style NYE Celebrations that go down in history. And a day will come when you are thankful that this bond between the two of you.....this Best Fried - Best Boiled bond, has not wavered, thanks to the fact that she will one day move back to Kch to be that hot-shot architect that you always knew she would be.
Fast forward a couple of years down the line, and you will realise, that no matter where your life takes you, your heart will always stay in Kch. And that you would be eternally grateful for those God-given amazing friends that have been around to hopefully, last a lifetime.
Of course at 16, you would not know this, because you have worn that same freaking school uniform for the past 4 years or so and you can't wait to be rid of it. But that year of Form 5 after this would fly by as though it never had before, and you would take off to the UK, where you always knew you would end up. Parent biasness, what can I say? Lol.
And at 16, you would not anticipate the 2 years after that would be the most incredible years of your life. I wish I could have flagged it up to you now, so you could have been ready to make the most out of your CC days. Because this was where you would meet the best friends in your life, who would go on to touch your life in so many ways, and leave such a huge mark.... that although most of them would eventually move on and away....back to Malaysia or to Singapore to continue achieving great things in life: you know that these are friendships that are made to last. God knows what would have happened had you not crossed paths the first day with Jenn in the airport, and had not later met Hanna, Rex & Noemi....and eventually, grown closer to CK, WL and Munchkin.
And of course, the most important thing to say to you, at 16 years old, would be that you would eventually achieve that life-long dream of yours to enter medical school, and with God's will, finally become a doctor next year.
Whether or not you will become that Neurosurgeon that you aspired to be at 14, or the Cardiologist you later realised was potentially more realistic, that is a matter to be discussed years further on. I will update you again when I have hit 35, whether or not you ended up doing Internal Medicine or Surgery or *gasp* dare I say it.....Obs & Gynae!
At Med School, you would go on to meet a whole cohort of other amazing people. None of whom you could have travelled a journey this difficult and this far without.
There is no 'What if....' that comes along with what would have happened if you had not met Pei Hua, or Yuan Lih or LX, because it would be difficult to describe and imagine you without them. You see, you have yet to know it now, but they will go on to understand you in every way, be it to catch you when you fall into the darkest of holes, or laugh along at every lame attempt at a joke you make.
So nonetheless, my dear 16-year-old girl, I am sure it has transpired now that you needn't have worried about getting along with people and finding friends whom you can click with after leaving the comfort zone of Kch and Lodge. God is kind on you, and you will have a comfortable circle of friends through thick and thin wherever you go.
As for matters of the heart though, that is another page in the book. I wish I could have told you back when you were 16 that those minor 'heartaches' that you suffered from the random high school crushes, the moments when your heart would go into AF when you saw that one crush.....hard as it is to imagine now, is something that you would possibly have liked to hold on to more tightly. Because High School crushes were the days of being 'bright and shiny', and you would realise that when later on, many a guy was to cross your path and produce blow after blow to your heart that you wondered whether you could possibly feel again in this state of trauma.
You would not have known at 16, when your one major high school crush left school, that you guys would ever see or speak to each other again. Who knew that years along the line, you guys would be even better friends than before, and that he would ironically be the one constant 'guy' there for you throughout tears and heartbreaks from all those others. You might have wished you had taken more initiative to treasure the high school days spent with him then, but not to worry. You guys will continue to be friends for a long time coming.
For better of for worse, I would urge you to be fully optimistic, because there is surely one guy out there... somewhere in this huge world who is completely in sync with you, and when the time comes, you will KNOW without a doubt, idealistic as this might seem. But then again, at 16 you should be full of hopes and dreams. Cynicism will come later. Don't rush it.
I know this is a whole lot to take in, literally....and at 16, I hope your English is as up to par as it would be later on. No worries though, I think you would have read alot more at 16 to add to your vocab than you would later on when your brain is even failing to take in short excerpts of medical blurb.
But the end point is this: that at 16, you would not have known what the world beholds, 10 years down the line. And unless you had a Crystal Ball, the best way is to live every day to the fullest, and put in your everything to achieve whatever you aspire to do this lifetime.
In terms of growing up though, do not fret. I can assure you that you will mature year by year, as tedious a process as it might be, as painful a lesson as you might come across on the way, to eventually be a down-to-earth, worldly, 25-year-old young lady. Poised, grounded and possibly with a flair for fashion.
We will speak again another 10 years from now, perhaps. Until then, take care. Hang in there. You are in for one hell of a ride!
