So this is what I signed up for...

A life of continuously rushing around the corridors of the hospital, being bleeped in every single direction and having a seemingly endless list of jobs to complete over each stretch of 12 hours. And when I say 12 hours are not enough, I mean they are not enough. 

First weekend of ward cover being on call - check. 

Horrendous ward cover oncall experience - CHECK. 

I am not much of a Drama Queen, but last night, I was on the verge of exasperation. I had to hand over a list of stupid jobs to the Nights F1 simply because 12 hours was not enough for me to run from one corner of the hospital to another in between getting bleeped every 5 minutes and sprint down to A&E for TWO cardiac arrest calls. So amidst watching two ppl die and watching a guy I had clerked in slowly deteriorate right in front of my eyes with the most deranged blood results ever, I had to mentally psych myself aloud into bringing on another day of ward cover without buckling. 

If there is one thing that my debaucles with matters of the heart have taught me over the years, it is to be stronger. And in moments like these, it has never proved to be more useful. 

So today, I cruised into 3 pm in the afternoon thinking that all was completely under control. And then things started to spiral the other way. Each time the Med Registrar saw me, he would take a look at me and go: 

"Alyssa, have you eaten all day?"

"No."

"Oh my God. Please. Go and eat something." 

And proceeded to drag me into the Doctor's office to force me to eat a doughnut. 

And just as I was leaving tonight, he took one look at me and said "Alyssa you look absolutely knackered. Are you okay?"

Yeah, maybe not. After I was bleeped to see someone who turned out to have a Pulmonary Oedema on my way to Handover at 8.55 pm. After not eating anything before 10 pm for the past three days. Maybe not. 

Not to mention all the stupid questions that I have had to ask the Reg over the weekend and how my heart just lurches each time I am faced with a really sick patient. 

I have so much to learn still. It makes me really wonder if I will ever make it to be a Medical Registrar. Or any kind of Registrar at all. 

We'll see how I feel in three years or so.