So 2012 came and went SO SO quickly that it took me the whole of today for it to sink in that I am now at Day 1 of a fresh new start.
This year's NYE celebration was as different from last year's as night from day. I spent the day time in a comatose state, completely exhausted, having finished on night shifts. The irony was that my night before had been a state of boredom beyond words. The Surgical F1 and I sat at the mess looking at each other, he having offered to do as many cannulas for me as he could (simply because he was bored as well!) before he finally decided to sleep, and me, having watched him and the Surgical SHO snore away for every single night before this, decided to cave and join them as well. The funny thing is when you DO sleep, compared to when you don't, you wake up even more exhausted than usual each time you are interrupted to do the most stupid jobs.
I then decided to attend a costume party with my usual outfit - a pretty dress. Unfortunately I was the only other person in the whole place to not be dressed up as something, so my constantly repeating over and over again that I was there as a 'pretty girl' could only get me as far.
Counting down to 2013 was a bit anti-climatic to say the least. We spent ages trying to find this person or the other and when we finally did, I was already sober beyond words. It didn't help that the bartender at the club rejected my debit card and I didn't have enough cash on me, and that we had to drag my drunk friend back home in a taxi at the start of the night because she was almost wasted beyond words. We did, however, manage to have quite a bit of fun at the end of the night, despite the series of events that prevailed, with me being utterly confused at 3 am in the morning amidst deafening music and having a flashback of an unfortunate scene that had happened a few years ago.
At that time, having a whole week off post-nights AND having the directorate forget to take my request into account that I wanted to cancel it off the rota seemed like a good idea. But with my Microsoft Office not yet arrived in the post and my wandering mind unable to concentrate on reading any book for long, it makes me despair and wish that I was actually back to the manic conditions of the elderly care wards tomorrow. It doesn't help that I started the morning of my new year with the most intense conversation ever at 5.30 am in the morning and that I was so tired today that I fell asleep at 6 pm only to wake up with a start at 8 pm. Aye, messing up my own sleeping patterns indeed.
It is possibly slightly sad that I am spending my first day off lamenting about the fact that I wish I was going back to work rather than be left with nothing to do and to fester with a zillion thoughts in my own head, and it reminds me of the dismal times in the midst of Final Year when I was going through emotional turmoil and had nothing to distract myself from apart from the fact that finals were looming and I had to pass them by hook or by crook.
But this is why I like my job. I like the fact that I am constantly on the go and always called to do things left, right and centre. I like that nothing is predictable day to day. I like that I am so busy all the time and when I look up it is suddenly 5 pm already. And I love the fact that my life is routine as such, and at the moment there are only important things ahead to dwell on: successfully completely F1, focus on taking postgrad exams and make the most of this damn career. Because it is possibly the only thing in my life that I can control at the moment and the only thing I can make sure doesn't go pear-shaped.
My new year's resolution, apart from learning to be a better doctor, however is to be this girl:
My figure is no 5'6" (I am only 5'4") but I sure as hell can have that bag. I will be sure of it :)
And as Kel says, it is only another 3 more months before I am on home soil and catching up with my beloved chums again! I absolutely can't wait!!
For the moment, I need to reignite the positivity that I had when I embarked on the start of 2012 - that this will be one hell of a year and I will take down every single lemon that life hurls at me. Because I know that this will be an even better year than the last. And I will make sure that I become every inch of a kick-ass doctor to measure up to it.
BOOM!
