When I was mugging for exams, in the midst of moments when I was so utterly exhausted I wanted to just sleep forever, I would jump up in the midst and go NOOOOO!! The one thing I HAD to make sure I did was make it home and then to see my Heffas Hanna, Bao and Woogui, and Chekkie.

Exams have been over 2 weeks or so now, and have been passed.

And yet I'm feeling a tad apprehensive.

What will people see in the changed me?

Last night I discovered that I can no longer do this clubbing thing. I can't stand the taste of whiskey, nor take alot of alcohol, and I can no longer get into the hype of dancing.

So I have become a square. Haha. Hopefully a still stylish square though :)

And that's only one of the few things that have changed. Plus, my hair has been chopped off now. HurHur.

And above all, I really hope that I am doing the right thing. Even if there is still a sickening wrench in my heart whenever I see your name on the screen.

Work resumes tomorrow. Ah well~

Peace out, ppl :)

Grateful and relieved :)

Thank You

Darlings here I come~

My Fondest Memory

Tagged by Jenn A VERY LONG TIME ago. Sorry hun!! Hehe. It's just that I didn't want to simply write something down for this one.

So what is my fondest memory?

At this point, it's hard to say. Haha.

So here are a few of my fondest memorieS:



-- The High School days with Manda and the rest of the Point 2 girls. You know, the days when we sat in groups of 4s and would get scolded by Danny for not paying attention early in the morning. When we sniggered about X, Y, Z and I endlessly and went on quadruple 'dates' which involved movie-watching with no conversation. Lol. The days of dressing up for the most 'important' social event of the year, i.e. Interact Installation Night, giggling about Toyboys and the times that we took for granted because we saw each other every single day. The days of gossiping during History class and religiously memorising Moral definitions. The moments amidst mugging endlessly for exams and after that, SPM, where we managed to insert that little bit of colour into our lives.



-- Post High School Graduation, there were the holidays to look forward to each time. The X'mas holiday traditions which revolved around meticulous plans for NYE, which often resulted in disastrous outcomes, but which every single one of us treasure so much all the time. The numerous outings to the normal places where we hung around talking about things that began with 'Do you remember...' And there were, of course, the many alcoholic stints in between :) As much as we always stood around in circles contemplating about where to go next, agonisingly, because Kch is what we call, a hole....nothing much mattered because there was always the priceless company of friends.



-- CC Days.....the best days of my life. The day I met my TG girls was probably the luckiest, most wonderful day of my life, and I maintain that to this day. Amidst hair-pulling prior to exams, rotting in respective rooms mugging endlessly, memorising lines out of Bio textbooks, doing Math homework in the dead of night and freaking out for interviews, there were many irreplaceable moments that lie fondly within the heart. Laughing about 'Number 4s', practising for talent show dances, deciding what to wear to dances, DJ-ing at discos, tradition Saturday afternoon trips to town, note-writing in class and after class and just gossiping in the corridor or in rooms after curfew. Now I remember, why it was so difficult to part ways during that last day of school, and yet no matter how far apart we all are, you will always be in my heart.



-- I'm not sure how to name this particular memory in a chronological way, so I will just name it 'The Stints with Chekkie,Bao,Annie&Woogui'. Again, without you guys, I would never have survived a great many moments of my life, post-CC, and as much as this sounds phony, the pigging-out sessions around the Kitchen table, the trips to the various eating places, the West End outings, the moments just spent watching Korean movies in Chekkie's room or sappy shows in Bao's living room for the entire day, are amongst the happiest moments of that period of my life....happy moments that I would never have envisioned possible at that time. The silent emotional support you provided, or the time you took out of your busy lives to listen to me rant about my stupid issues is undeniably priceless, and I miss you guys every single day!!!

I always thought that blogging was something like the pensieve in Harry Potter...where you could pull out strands of memories to remember again.

And these, I will remember...forever :)

Tagged

Tagged by YL Hoo a verryyy long time ago

7 things to do before I die:

1) volunteer with Medecins Sans Frontieres
2) dance to ‘4 seasons of loneliness’ once more
3) live in Boston, or at least visit Boston
4) hang with my darlings like the old times again
5) learn hip-hop dancing professionally
6) go on an unlimited designer shopping spree
7) be a good doctor


7 things I won’t do even if it kills me:

1) smoke
2) engage in drugs
3) become a slob who has no sense of personal style
4) lose all contact with my bestie, my person and my girlfriends
5) try all the disgusting food that I have sworn never to eat
6) become really, REALLY fat
7) backstab my friends


7 things I do when I’m away from the public:

1) sleep
2) cry
3) reminisce about silly things in the past
4) shower?
5) Re-watch House and Greys over and over again
6) Listen to the same favourite song over and over again
7) Camwhore


7 favourite quotes & expressions:

1) REALLYYY?!?
2) Oh crap!!
3) *uncontrollable laughter at sarcasm or funny expressions*
4) ZOMG
5) *withering stare* Lols
6) Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
7) Victory comes to those who believe in themselves


7 favourite songs:

1) Wo Bu Pei – Zhou Jie Lun
2) 4 Seasons of Loneliness – Boyz II Men
3) My Place – Nelly
4) Qi Li Xiang – Zhou Jie Lun
5) Ni Bu Zhai – Wang Lee Hom
6) The Way I Are – Timbaland
7) Ayu – V.E.
(Yes I know my songs are all damn back-dated and weird)


7 things I’ll make you wish you didn’t do:

1) Tap me on the shoulder and poke my cheek with your finger when I turn around
2) Insult my best friends or anyone who really matters to me in my heart
3) Talk about me behind my back while pretending to be nice to me in my face, and let me catch you
4) Judge me, in any way at all
5) Swear at me while shouting at me in public
6) Insult my personal style
7) Hurt those whom I love

7 ppl to tag:

1) Jenn
2) Kim
3) Yeen
4) Manda
5) Cherie L
6) Cheek
7) Jane

Wo Bu Pei

I have reached a new level of addiction to Zhou Jie Lun's new song, even by my standards. Lol.

"If only you weren't Zhou Jie Lun..."

And I echo these thoughts, precisely.

Was it always meant to be of this surreptitious, clandestine manner?

An indifferent mask, displayed to the public....and yet, beneath it....a zillion and one secrets that we reverred in.

Because sometimes I wonder....if I were to bury my head in a hole in the ground so that I wouldn't be able to see you, would you pretend that you couldn't see me too?

Memoirs

Memory is a strange thing. It seems to capture images as a whole, refusing to omit the tiny, specific details that might, possibly....no longer be there.

And so it is that when I turn my head to the right towards the row of wooden bleachers next to me, I still half expect to see you, in all familiarity amidst the bouncing of the black rubber ball off the walls and the scuffling of court shoes on the wooden floors.

Or that I can still see, through the smoke and throngs of people pushing in front of me, your profile on the couch next to mine, your voice echoing through the incessant boom of loud music in my ears.

Oh how easy it is to OD on these images. These images that are now just pictures. Painted pictures breathing a life of their own...moving haphazardly through the sky. And in that brief moment that I reach out to touch them, they are gone.

Or not.

Because sometimes remembering will lead to a story. A story that seemingly lasts forever.

And that's what stories are for....for when all has disappeared, and there is nothing left that is tangible....except that story of my life.

Home Turf

There are certain meanings words cannot suffice.

Certain connections that need nothing to be said at all.

Such as the familiar feeling of being back on home turf.

And so it is that we keep plodding on, keeping this safe rift between us.

Because it is simply all for the best, really.

Sssshhhh

It doesn't matter if we will meet again
It doesn't matter if you will remember me
I just want to tell you a secret

I love you

Currently addicted to Zhou Jie Lun's theme song for his movie 'The Secret'. Plus the movie was amazingly good, unexpectedly...surpassed....my expectations. Or maybe it was just that bit of it that touched me.

Yes I know, I'm lagging.

Now I remember why I like Zhou Jie Lun so much :)

Moments Like These

A week or so ago, I was in a toy department looking for a birthday gift. After much agonising and brain-wracking so as what to buy, I suddenly stumbled upon a familiar face.

Guess who! ;)

Minnie Mouse!!!! :)))

Hehehe. And in that split second, I saw Jenn's face and the scene in my tiny room, where her disgusted face said it all in retaliation to my proclaimation that I liked Minnie Mouse.

To which I protested indignantly. "Whattt!!! What's wrong with Minnie Mouse! She's cute!"

"Noooooo her voice is like 'MinNniiEeeee MOUssee'! It's so 'xiao jie!'"
(The caps and uncapped letters are meant to be try and indicate the hilarious way in which she varied her high and low pitches....hahahaha)

And at that very moment in the toy store, I burst out laughing uncontrollably all by myself, thinking of that very scene that happened 2 years ago.

Lol.

It's moments like these that I know I will remember forever :) And a person like you who is irreplaceable.

PS: Niffy this is dedicated to you. Hahaha. May you grow to like Minnie some time soon. Lols.


Everything DOES happen for a reason, even if it doesn't seem like it at this very moment.

May we all continue to be strong in trundling down that long, winding path.

And whatever it is, I will always be here with open arms and an open heart. (And broad shoulders ;))

XOXO

The things that do

... matter are the ones deemed most unspeakable from my heart.

So where does the heart lie?

Obliquely in the mediastinum, from the 2nd rib to the 5th intercostal space

Currently?

Torn into two. Approximately 3,000 miles and 6,000 miles away.

And speaking of cardio.....I love Cardio bar. It gives me the right amount of endorphines I need these days. And yet pilates took that away by adding to the aching muscles.

My verdict? Starving is so much easier.

And yet thatttt... my weight, the one thing that mattered so much to me back then, hardly ruffles a feather now. Hardly changed as it has, I can't really be bothered to keep up with the famous 'water diet' any longer, lest the 'nothing' diet.

Things that matter in your life change. And Life is short. Yet it is full of ups and downs.

But the ups are what we live for. And when I look back on the ups of my existence, there was always, ALWAYS you, even when I made it all about me.

And cheesy as this may sound, I love you :) Not just for every ounce of the courageous person you are that I could never ever become, but because you are you.

It seems like the day has come. I have finally lost interest in Greys Anatomy.

Slogging through all 3 episodes feeling bored and disorientated left me with a strange feeling. The only emotion I got from the series being a surge of immense irritation at Derek at the end of Ep 2 for his lack of self control.

It was a very Meredith-like moment, nonetheless, that bout of deranged irritation. Like I was getting mad at Derek....a moving figure on a show on my laptop screen....when the anger was really directed somewhere else.

Haha.

That ship sailed a very long time ago.

And yet sometimes I still see myself standing at the dock looking into nothingness.

And this is one of those days.

DELETE DELETE.

*kapish*

Happy 20th, Darling :)

For all the times you were there for me, even when I was whining about the most stupid things in the world.

For all the moments that you stood by me and offered your shoulder for me to cry on, even when you were a zillion miles away.

For all the laughter you induced in me, which only you can do. Hehe.

For all the bimbotic times we shared, even when it involved sporadic MSN conversations.

For all the times that I proclaimed someone was FAT and you retaliated in horror. Hahahah.

For all the conversations when you tried to talk some sense into me.

For all the things that you confided in me about, even the smallest things :) (They mean the world to me)

And even though I have been a little MIA this year, I hope you know that at the end of the day...

You mean all of the above to me, and more.

Happy Birthday, Bestie :)

Love Always,

Your 'person' :)

The simplest things...

.... are the ones that touch you the most.

And that phone call all the way from Melb did just that :)

And My Baby Turns 19!! :)

Heheheh Happy 19th Birthday to my baby / hot chick/ sexypoo Rexanna!

You've been the greatest friend and confidante to me through all the good and bad times.

From the 'playing music on repeat mode' days

To taking part in disastrous talent show dances (LoL)

To fabulous holidays in Kch

To putting your fabulous baking skills to work for Kambing's bday

To talking with Noemi in the corridors till wee hours of the morning (and laughing at me :S)

To everything else that matters and touches my heart in every possible way.

Those I will always treasure. And remember....forever :)

Lurve you to bits, baby! (Obvious favourtism muahahaha)

XXOO,

Mummy

PS: I think you're my only family member left. And Noemi Jie. Everyone else has ditched me and left. Husband, daughter, son, Ah mah, Ah kong.....everyone! Boo =S Hahhaha.

Two words...

You're Therapeutic :)

PS: And a very Happy belated Bday shout goes out to the Liangster. Hehe. Happy 22nd.

Samantha Thavasa :)

Today I am reminded of the reason I pulled through those darkest days of my life.

And today I realise that nobody could ever replace you as a friend, no matter how far apart we may be.

Thank You.

Samantha Thavasa is the bomb. Hehe.

Today, under the dimmest light shining through some clouds, I finally realise....

That not everyone can and will understand my ways

That I should learn to be less demanding

But today, I also realise that at the end of the day, you are infinitely there for me

And that no matter how our friendship has been bent in all possible ways

There is a reason why you will always be my hpy :)

Lacrimosa

If I could choose to be teleported to a particular time of my life, I would choose 2003.

Because that was when I was focused, Zhin-free and had yet to see so much more in life.

And even though the year or so after perhaps comprised some of the best moments of my life when you waltzed through it, there is nothing I would trade now to go back to then. No matter how much it remains embedded in the lobes of my brain.

And as of now, it bothers me how much messing up a person's emotions disturbs me.

Am I such a bad person after all?

And somehow, it's just not the same anymore. Like we were trying to hard to go back to before even though frankly it felt utmostly different. Especially when I seemed to be increasingly obsessed about a certain other factor the entire night. Which was....disturbing, as such.

I'll give you this though. You're still you. Maybe I'm just not me any longer.

Did you ever wish you could just disappear?

Sometimes....

That's how I feel.

Sometimes I feel I should just be an antisocial character and stop talking to everyone.

Well, certain people at least.

Till I can learn not to feel anything at all any longer.

Two lows in two consecutive nights, ignited by two different ppl...the first being someone I shouldn't even be bothering about simply because we don't know each other well even.
I'm aghast.

So if I can't learn to be devoid of all this....

Could I at least just evaporate into the surrounding atmosphere?

I guess I spoke too soon about not having anymore strange posts....

Talking to an old friend brought indescribably wretched feelings deep within. Simply because I understand how he feels sometimes.....oh too very well. And because it pains me how I thought I could just push everyone out of my life.

Whatever it is, I'm here for you....always....

The Summer So Far~

To My Person :)

This is for you. No more strange posts. Instead, a properly narcissistic one filled with loads of stupid pictures. Hehe. Have been meaning to post up pics but the connection is just retarded, as always. Lol.

Now you update too, kays?

xxxx

-- Pictures from the clubbing outing with Mo and the girls from ages ago. Look how long my hair was then OMGGGG --


-- Random shots from the girls' (YuanLih, GanLi, Caryn & MeiLee's) visit to Kch: end of June --