Anchoring Heuristic

I thought this weekend would never come.

The end of this past week was eventful for me. For one, I finally managed to complete my last Mini-Cex with a Consultant, which I had been having near nervous breakdowns each end of the week about - which would account to about 4 in total - because it was THAT difficult for me to get hold of a Consultant who was willing to watch me examine someone and stick to his word at that.

Hence I had horrendously bad moods most Thursdays in Guildford, because I was going home to London for the weekend with a failure, YET again. Which might have somehow contributed to the fact that I only associated it with negative feelings.

And eventually, it was only natural to hate Paeds.

Perhaps hate is too strong a word. Maybe STRONGLY dislike.

And then on Wednesday when I got my final CEX signed off, I started reflecting and realised, retrospectively, that perhaps.....perhaps it was not Paediatrics per se, but ME after all.

The fact that I had started off thinking that I would not fare well with kids, and my mounting frustration with not being able to get my final CEX done, had turned into an anchoring heuristic. And as we all know, the mind is larger than life. It plays tricks. And I am possibly a master of mind games - being able to continually trick myself into believing something or the other just because I wanted to.

I have plodded millions of steps along this path of life, in hopes of achieving my lifelong dream of becoming this professional provider of healthcare and medicine, and there are many times such as these that when given the chance to pause and ponder, I wonder if I will ever be cut out to be that cool-as-cucumber doctor that I have admired so much, or if I ever do - which field I would be truly passionate about...for a lifetime.

I have anchored myself into thinking I love Cardiology, so much so that I have omitted the fact that it takes alot more to be a Cardio God than just a large-eyed Med Student who spends more time daydreaming than improving knowledge about Paediatric Cardiology, for instance.

At the end of the day, we shall see which path leads me to whichever destination....in the hope that I do get somewhere in terms of my career. And for the moment, anchoring heuristics are possibly more unhealthy than they might make out to be. Or perhaps, it is just that in my efforts to build a stronger personality, I have incorporated some sort of bullheadedness into me as well.

Whoever said things got easier the faster you grew up? Lol.