Moments Like These

A week or so ago, I was in a toy department looking for a birthday gift. After much agonising and brain-wracking so as what to buy, I suddenly stumbled upon a familiar face.

Guess who! ;)

Minnie Mouse!!!! :)))

Hehehe. And in that split second, I saw Jenn's face and the scene in my tiny room, where her disgusted face said it all in retaliation to my proclaimation that I liked Minnie Mouse.

To which I protested indignantly. "Whattt!!! What's wrong with Minnie Mouse! She's cute!"

"Noooooo her voice is like 'MinNniiEeeee MOUssee'! It's so 'xiao jie!'"
(The caps and uncapped letters are meant to be try and indicate the hilarious way in which she varied her high and low pitches....hahahaha)

And at that very moment in the toy store, I burst out laughing uncontrollably all by myself, thinking of that very scene that happened 2 years ago.

Lol.

It's moments like these that I know I will remember forever :) And a person like you who is irreplaceable.

PS: Niffy this is dedicated to you. Hahaha. May you grow to like Minnie some time soon. Lols.


Everything DOES happen for a reason, even if it doesn't seem like it at this very moment.

May we all continue to be strong in trundling down that long, winding path.

And whatever it is, I will always be here with open arms and an open heart. (And broad shoulders ;))

XOXO

The things that do

... matter are the ones deemed most unspeakable from my heart.

So where does the heart lie?

Obliquely in the mediastinum, from the 2nd rib to the 5th intercostal space

Currently?

Torn into two. Approximately 3,000 miles and 6,000 miles away.

And speaking of cardio.....I love Cardio bar. It gives me the right amount of endorphines I need these days. And yet pilates took that away by adding to the aching muscles.

My verdict? Starving is so much easier.

And yet thatttt... my weight, the one thing that mattered so much to me back then, hardly ruffles a feather now. Hardly changed as it has, I can't really be bothered to keep up with the famous 'water diet' any longer, lest the 'nothing' diet.

Things that matter in your life change. And Life is short. Yet it is full of ups and downs.

But the ups are what we live for. And when I look back on the ups of my existence, there was always, ALWAYS you, even when I made it all about me.

And cheesy as this may sound, I love you :) Not just for every ounce of the courageous person you are that I could never ever become, but because you are you.

It seems like the day has come. I have finally lost interest in Greys Anatomy.

Slogging through all 3 episodes feeling bored and disorientated left me with a strange feeling. The only emotion I got from the series being a surge of immense irritation at Derek at the end of Ep 2 for his lack of self control.

It was a very Meredith-like moment, nonetheless, that bout of deranged irritation. Like I was getting mad at Derek....a moving figure on a show on my laptop screen....when the anger was really directed somewhere else.

Haha.

That ship sailed a very long time ago.

And yet sometimes I still see myself standing at the dock looking into nothingness.

And this is one of those days.

DELETE DELETE.

*kapish*

Happy 20th, Darling :)

For all the times you were there for me, even when I was whining about the most stupid things in the world.

For all the moments that you stood by me and offered your shoulder for me to cry on, even when you were a zillion miles away.

For all the laughter you induced in me, which only you can do. Hehe.

For all the bimbotic times we shared, even when it involved sporadic MSN conversations.

For all the times that I proclaimed someone was FAT and you retaliated in horror. Hahahah.

For all the conversations when you tried to talk some sense into me.

For all the things that you confided in me about, even the smallest things :) (They mean the world to me)

And even though I have been a little MIA this year, I hope you know that at the end of the day...

You mean all of the above to me, and more.

Happy Birthday, Bestie :)

Love Always,

Your 'person' :)

The simplest things...

.... are the ones that touch you the most.

And that phone call all the way from Melb did just that :)

And My Baby Turns 19!! :)

Heheheh Happy 19th Birthday to my baby / hot chick/ sexypoo Rexanna!

You've been the greatest friend and confidante to me through all the good and bad times.

From the 'playing music on repeat mode' days

To taking part in disastrous talent show dances (LoL)

To fabulous holidays in Kch

To putting your fabulous baking skills to work for Kambing's bday

To talking with Noemi in the corridors till wee hours of the morning (and laughing at me :S)

To everything else that matters and touches my heart in every possible way.

Those I will always treasure. And remember....forever :)

Lurve you to bits, baby! (Obvious favourtism muahahaha)

XXOO,

Mummy

PS: I think you're my only family member left. And Noemi Jie. Everyone else has ditched me and left. Husband, daughter, son, Ah mah, Ah kong.....everyone! Boo =S Hahhaha.

Two words...

You're Therapeutic :)

PS: And a very Happy belated Bday shout goes out to the Liangster. Hehe. Happy 22nd.

Samantha Thavasa :)

Today I am reminded of the reason I pulled through those darkest days of my life.

And today I realise that nobody could ever replace you as a friend, no matter how far apart we may be.

Thank You.

Samantha Thavasa is the bomb. Hehe.

Today, under the dimmest light shining through some clouds, I finally realise....

That not everyone can and will understand my ways

That I should learn to be less demanding

But today, I also realise that at the end of the day, you are infinitely there for me

And that no matter how our friendship has been bent in all possible ways

There is a reason why you will always be my hpy :)

Lacrimosa

If I could choose to be teleported to a particular time of my life, I would choose 2003.

Because that was when I was focused, Zhin-free and had yet to see so much more in life.

And even though the year or so after perhaps comprised some of the best moments of my life when you waltzed through it, there is nothing I would trade now to go back to then. No matter how much it remains embedded in the lobes of my brain.

And as of now, it bothers me how much messing up a person's emotions disturbs me.

Am I such a bad person after all?

And somehow, it's just not the same anymore. Like we were trying to hard to go back to before even though frankly it felt utmostly different. Especially when I seemed to be increasingly obsessed about a certain other factor the entire night. Which was....disturbing, as such.

I'll give you this though. You're still you. Maybe I'm just not me any longer.

Did you ever wish you could just disappear?

Sometimes....

That's how I feel.

Sometimes I feel I should just be an antisocial character and stop talking to everyone.

Well, certain people at least.

Till I can learn not to feel anything at all any longer.

Two lows in two consecutive nights, ignited by two different ppl...the first being someone I shouldn't even be bothering about simply because we don't know each other well even.
I'm aghast.

So if I can't learn to be devoid of all this....

Could I at least just evaporate into the surrounding atmosphere?

I guess I spoke too soon about not having anymore strange posts....

Talking to an old friend brought indescribably wretched feelings deep within. Simply because I understand how he feels sometimes.....oh too very well. And because it pains me how I thought I could just push everyone out of my life.

Whatever it is, I'm here for you....always....

The Summer So Far~

To My Person :)

This is for you. No more strange posts. Instead, a properly narcissistic one filled with loads of stupid pictures. Hehe. Have been meaning to post up pics but the connection is just retarded, as always. Lol.

Now you update too, kays?

xxxx

-- Pictures from the clubbing outing with Mo and the girls from ages ago. Look how long my hair was then OMGGGG --


-- Random shots from the girls' (YuanLih, GanLi, Caryn & MeiLee's) visit to Kch: end of June --

Once upon a time, on the 20th of June....

...... the most amazing person in the world was born :)

On this day, 20/06/07, she turns the big 2-1.

Happy 21st Birthday, Manda!! You mean the world to me, and so much more.

You've had my back through all the dark days of endless whining and outburst of emotions where you seemed to demonstrate infinte patience and the greatest sense of empathy ever.

Through all the sticky moments where we would crack our heads on where to hold our annual NYE Celebration this year.... ;)


Through hilarious moments over Absolut Mandarin in Bar Zing and sniggering about Zhin, I, Bobi, Hide or Ina. Lol.


And through the fun times where we would talk on the phone for hours on end as though three years had not flown by in a glimpse since the days of sharing my table and gossiping during History class.

You know me inside out, even when I'm holding back things that cannot be put forth in coherent words, and you always ALWAYS understand me most. And when I realise that my days are flying by ever so quickly with each year being added on the calendar (and me feeling old in the process), when I hang out with you, I'm reminded ever so dearly of our High School days and how life could possibly have been so bright and shiny back then compared to now. And even if we have changed throughout this entire time, you have definitely not changed one bit as my bestest best friend :)

~~** To Utah, From Massachussetts....with Love :) ** ~~ LOL

Words cannot do justice as to how much your friendship has touched my life in the greatest of ways.....so off the top of my head, here are a few highlights that I will always keep in my heart wherever we may be....five, ten or even twenty years from now....

~* My 7th Birthday Party.....even though it ended in the most disastrous of ways and I still feel a little tinge of guilt since then, I'm glad it marked the beginning of our friendship :) Hehe.

~* Quadruple *ahem* 'dating'....with Yenny & Denise, and X,Y,Z & I. Hahahah. I remember the very first show we watched. Miss Congeniality. And even though, come to think of it now, it couldn't possibly have been any more awkard than that, LOL, it was one of the most FUN moments of my life. Not just because it was funny, but because you were there ;)

~* Phone conversations that last for hours on end. The latest one in my mind being our recent dissection of my 'outing' with Zhin. Hahahaha. To you I can yak on forever and ever as if time had stood still. I have only found one other person whom I can do that with....and yet at the end of the day, he is still nothing compared to you. Hehe *muacks*

~* Our 'compatriot-ly' games....hahaha, in the days where our footie knowledge could have challenged those of the ESPN presenters and stalking info of Hide and Ina online seemed to provide the dire entertainment needed in F4 and F5 while every Arsenal vs Liverpool match was exciting in every possible way (although the outcome was almost always the same). Lol.

Ahhhh, the nostalgia. Hehe. Despite how much I wish I could turn back the hands of time to that moment where seeing each other everyday in school was taken for granted, there is nothing I would trade for this. For how much of a pillar you have been to me and how our friendship has withstood the wear & tear of time only to remain very much like before.

So here's to 14 years of being friends, and many more to come :)

PS: Oooooh this provided me with the best form or procrastination possible. Sorry though, my picutre uploading thingy is weird, so more pics at a later date. Hahahah. Happy 21st Birthday, babes! And rmb.....I lurrrveeeeeee youuuu, bestie <3~>

Getting in touch with reality

A request from my Niffeyhh Baybbeehhh, hence the update, even though there is absolutely nothing to update on. Lol.

I've changed so much in the past few months that it's almost unbelievable. I realised I had become a different person ever since I left school all those years back, and to change even further from that...well....sometimes I'm not sure who I really am or want to be anymore. I am aware that change isn't necessarily always a good thing, but I am also aware that I am closer to discovering myself now than ever before, and the person I am today, despite being a shadow of the person I would like to be, is very much more ME than the person I was back in High School.

I have also discovered, that some of my friends from back home have never changed one bit. And again, I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing. It never ceases to amaze me, the myriad of personalities that exist amongst the people I know in this world. And yet it also exasperates me, at times, how some people could possibly act in certain ways. At the risk of sounding judgmental, a free world as it is, there are certain standards that are expected of a person in terms of being labelled a nice, down-to-earth, humble, sensitive, generous human being, and as much as I dwell on the phrase 'That's what friends are for', friends are around to give and take, help those in sticky situations, lend a shoulder to cry on and so much more. I've had my fair share of giving and taking (bless those people, you know who you are ;)), and yet ever since I left my comfy days of TG and Baby E, I have realised that the definition of friends has varied so widely in this very day, amongst different people, that it pains me at times.

I cannot dwell enough on how much insensitivity, blatant rudeness, mean attributes and such could kill a friendship, and I cannot stress enough now. On the surface, I may be the epitome of calmness in public. I will do things obligingly within my limits if you have to ask, even if I think it is downright unreasonable. I will go along with things that I dislike, just because I don't want to cause an unnecessary squabble. I will never raise my voice and shout at you in public, simply because I believe in basic courtesy and the way I portray myself amongst people. And yet, somewhere along the line, I will break. And even though I might not show it, or the cracks will heal almost immediately, the growing rift between those individuals is inevitable.

In the 12 months or so from now, when I see my friends from home again, it will indefinitely be awkward. I am changed, but I have changed into a person that is perceived differently by them than I would have liked myself to be. And yet, does it matter? Does it matter that it would possibly be my name on the table this time being labelled a b*tch by people because I am ungrateful and have abandoned my relationships with the rest? Does it matter that people will see me differently in a not-so-flattering light (if not already now) because there have been incorrect judgements of my character being passed around verbally? To be truthful, it doesn't bother me one bit. When you are stuck in ruts or drowning in seas, friends are supposed to be there, through thick and thin, because they will know you inside out, and even if people change, the connection between them will always exist, if the friendship is true. And if it doesn't....well, enough said.

I don't mind nonsensical banter, or sitting around the table talking about lame stuff, but untruthful gossip, belittling judgements of people and calculative accounts of others definitely do NOT get my vote.

My calm composure at all times does not mean I have infinite patience and endurance. I am but human, after all.

I realise that my blog is cryptic as such, but it is my turf after all.

And finally, contrary to the popular common conclusion that might be drawn after reading this entry, I am NOT, I repeat.....NOT complaining about people in particular. I do not complain about people in particular. To me, you do not anger me unless you are significant enough. And no, nobody significant enough to me is guilty of such proceedings. This entry is not meant for whinging purposes or to grovel for empathy from others. It is merely a series of ponderings that I have translated from thoughts to clumsy strings of words, and even though you might write it off as judgmental, I think there is some truth in it. And I am merely voicing it aloud because all of the above are potentially exasperating in every possible way, and as people who do not want such things done to them (I'm sure), the things above should definitely not be done unto others.

I will update about more coherent, day-to-day stuff after next week :)

Last but not least, a shoutout to my person Niffy Poo. You are the best! You provide me with the much-needed breaks and help maintain my sanity. You amuse all my silly rantings about certain peopole or things in particular, so that's why I need to say this. You must always be honest with me k? ANY time that I am being self-centered or annoying or just too freaking long-winded, you have to tell me. Lol. Cos you are one of the few ppl I can tell everything to, and hmmm....well....enough said. Muacks, babes!! :)

PS: Manda!!! Choose a favourite state! Hehehehe. And keep updating, because your taggie is my only insanity-releasing outlet these days. Hugs lurrveee you to bits and for a fraction of a second, I even wish i was in Ade. Hehehe ;) -- Massachussets -- LOL.

And Woogui aka King of my Kingdom aka G17! Come out of ur shell!!!! You too, RoyalBaoOnTheGoldenPlatter!!!

xxxx

Put that smile back in place

How is it that talking to someone who allegedly accuses me of remembering him once every 6 months can make me smile more than talking to you?

Screwed up sleeping hours and late nights up alone trigger the playing of Gwen Stefani's '4 In The Morning' on repeat, and somehow, amidst all this numbness, random snippets of life are triggered, and I am reminded of scenes of hanging out in my room for hours on end.

It's funny how my entries spike exponentially during certain periods of my life. A good destressing method, if anything...I presume?

Don't mind me =)

'A woman's heart is like an ocean full of secrets'.

Someone once commented that I must have been born in the wrong era of music and movies. I seem to be stuck in the 90's when it comes to the entertainment industry. With the exception of Zhou Jie Lun and R&B of course.

But a vast majority of my favourite films of all time exist from the 90's.

And recently, I downloaded Titanic to rewatch again.

My friend told me I was mad.

I found it strangely captivating, especially the last bit when she was going down and everything was finally coming to an end...lost under thousands of feet of icy, cold water.

Then I realised all the times that I had been feeling pensive over what I had 'lost' the past 1 and a half years, was in fact, a misconception.

Instead I realise now I had voluntarily thrown it out of my life.

When I dreamt that I had been shot, I also dreamt that you saved me. And that came to my mind, a split second after I woke up, still reeling from the shock and thinking that it was real. For a moment, I was strangely comforted, and then the feeling passed.

I never realised how much I had relied on you until you ceased to exist. I guess you were the one who was around, most of the time, when turmoil and tension weren't boiling forth by the minute. But you never really did much, except be THERE.

And that's just not enough anymore, is it?

No Miracle This Time

To be fair, I think Milan probably deserved to be dubbed European Champions more than Liverpool.

When you are erratic and you play inconsistently ALL the time (rolls eyes), you don't deserve to win the Champions League. And I guess this time there was no second miracle for the Reds.

*sigh* I'm having mixed feelings at the moment. Enough to trigger a blog post, at least. Lol Yes, I am updating *wow!*.

Anyway, back to my analysis of this 2007 Champions League Final. I DIDN'T watch it....Surprise Surprise! Hahaha. That's probably why S*man keeps saying I'm not a true Liverpool fan. But ANYWAYYYY.....Fillipo Inzaghi is currently OFF my list of favourite footballers. I remember I used to like him ALOT last time. Well, at least it wasn't Kaka. Hehe. Oh welll oh well~ I guess that's the way things are when you rely on one person, i.e. Steven Gerrard to do all the scoring, and when his boots aren't looking so good one particular match, you are screwed =P

Liverpool, you better BUCK UP NXT SEASON!

I know I'm weird, but I am superstitious when it comes to footie matches. To me, every time there is an important final and the team I root for happens to be a part of it (much to everyone's surprise), I always see two outcomes: one good, and one bad. OKAY, I know I sound like I'm off my rockers, but it's just me. Lol.

To some extent, I'm wondering what will happen this time with Liverpool's defeat. I can already see one bad sign in my life: I could have FREAKING DONE SO MUCH BETTER for my interview than just now. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I have never NEVER NEVERRRRRR blanked out before in the midst of an interview, and for a few seconds here and there, I did!!!! I mean, I wasn't horrendous. But I could have been really perfect! Argh.

*Okay, Shing. Don't stress. Don't stress. It's not that important. It's only 2%. The assessment is the major component that will make or break you*

Hmm....I shall ramble on more so that Woogui will not keep shouting on my tagboard about me not updating when she herself is becoming more cryptic than I can ever be with no words in her posts. Lol.

- Volunteered at the children's cancer ward yesterday. It was...erm.....okay I guess. There were too little people volunteering this week to make a good, productive session out of it, so we were pretty laid back and not doing much except re-decorating the place. Also, most of the children weren't feeling very well that day :S I know this sounds incredibly cliched and cheesy, but it really pains me to see them sometimes. The chemo machine beside the bed, the IVs, the bedpans, the caps on their heads.....-sigh- I often wonder if this were to happen to me, if I could ever be as strong (mentally) as the parent who sits by their beds for those long days or weeks.

- Felt dissatisfied about an A- I found out that I got for my essay, and then felt ungrateful after because the average mark ppl seemed to be getting was a B. Oh well, essays don't prove anything, really. They just prove you're good at crapping. Haha. Still, have to prove myself a bit more for the next essay. And to be fair, I didn't really put that much effort into my last one. Didn't even want to edit it anymore for the final time before I submitted it because I was sick of it.

- Watched the finale of Greys over and over again. Not that I liked it that much. Why is it that I seem to like Season 2 more than Season 3? Hmmm. I started off the show liking Meredith much more than everyone else, thinking that I get Meredith, because I seem to be able to connect much more with her character. Now, at the end of Season 3, I seem to be more into Cristina than Meredith. And my annoyance at Izzie has wavered off completely. I actually FEEL for her now, instead of just wishing she would snap out of her emo-ness. I still get Meredith at some points, though. Meredith is strange, and bizarre in the weirdest ways - such as measuring her own happiness against the success of Cristina's journey to the altar, but I get her for that. But I feel that at this point now, I could do with a lot more Cristina in my personality. Haha.

- Caught up with a really old friend (we go all the way back to Primary 1!) who stopped over for a while on the way home for hols. It was nice because I hadn't seen her in over a year and we managed to talk quite a bit. Also, talking to her managed to change my view of priorities in life slightly, and I'm really quite thankful for that.

Sometimes I feel irritated at myself because I get annoyed at certain people, and then I check myself and say that I SHOULDN'T be annoyed, because he/she is my friend. He/she has done alot for me, and I should be grateful. But I still can't help it at times. I know no one is perfect, myself included. But sometimes people should just look into the mirror when they are at the ugliest of forms (emotionally) and make sure they don't cross all those unwritten boundaries. Because when you push me, the least I can do is retaliate after one or two trials. I can't remain stoic and take your crap every single time.

And then there are those people who just say all the WRONG things at the wrong times. When someone, say, cuts herself on the arm with a knife, and the wound is significant, do you rub salt into their wound? Do you hang around and state the painful truth saying 'OMG! That's such a bad cut! It's so deep! How in the world can you be so clumsy?!' ? As a friend, you're supposed to offer words of empathy and concern. Some friends choose to hide it on the surface and display their concern in a less obvious way, and many people have different ways of showing it, but so far I have been nothing less than endlessly thankful of my friends (my bestie, my person, my TG girls and my Rummies girls) for their blessed presence in my life. I cannot emphasise enough on how I wish some of my High School or other friends could be more like them. I know it's unfair to pinpoint as such, but when people really get on your edge, you start to realise the truth in it all.

Insensitivity. Blatant rudeness. Hypocritical actions. Lying. Indifference. Belittling tendencies.

In copious amounts, these are what get to me the most. And I'm sure, any other living, breathing person.

Lol. Okay, okay. Breathe. I'm not depressed or upset or emotionally affected by anyone in any way (especially not anyone I have been previously associated with in the past...please. lol). It was just a general outburst of thoughts because I have been on the receiving end of potentially ticking-off things for the last 2 weeks or so. And I have been behaving like a model human being by brushing everything off and channeling my days and nights into important, academic matters.

I have some pics but the uploading thing doesn't seem to work. Hmmm.

On a happier note, Zhin always knows how to put the smile back on my face :) Pity how I only always rmb to talk to him when I feel a little crappy though. Hehe.

~ Awesome and out ~

PS: Hanna, bring back an olive for me. LOL. Or a figurine of Zeus. Hurhur.

Relived

Those ppl who have been bugging me for ages to relive my Facebook account will be glad. Ahem, Hanna.

Add me: alyssasim@gmail.com

PS: Couldn't find it in my heart to turn down da bestie Manda. Lol. So girl, you better write on my wall every single day cos no one else will. Haha. Hugs.

And even after Columbine....

I thought that the 1999 Columbine massacre was the worst any school shooting would get.

Then Virginia Tech happened....and the world was aghast....me included.

When I first heard the news, I was sceptical about its scale of seriousness, especially since it had never crossed my mind that someone in my family would actually be facing a gunman for real one day.

But when the death toll of 33 stared me in the face, I can only say I was thankful. It must have been traumatising, no doubt about that. I know I was, even in a different continent, having only read the news hours after it occurred.

I can only vent my disapointment and sorrow for the gunman. How a kid of Asian descent, nonetheless, could possibly be so disturbed and screwed up sends chills down my back, especially after watching his manifesto on video.

It's incredulous what can happen in a split second today.

As for those involved in the V Tech massacre....I feel for them.

This made me think vaguely of the episode in Greys when Alex and Addison discovered that their patient was a Jane Doe.

"I mean, she's all alone. Makes me wonder, if I went missing, would anyone notice?"

May Virginia Tech finally rest in peace...

Two full days of nothing but pure slacking, to celebrate the fact that I am finally on par.

Oh joy :)

The past week has been a myriad of experiences:

Finally broke a fever that wouldn't go away, with self prescribed meds
Library-ing in the afternoons
Desperate Housewives marathons
Discovered the coolest new show, 'Kitchen Confidential'
Became addicted to cereal
Screwed up my zzz-ing hours
Watched 'Sunshine' and was traumatised :O

Okay, no more slacking tomorrow. Back to the mugger sack.

PS: Woogui, I am sooo sorry. I don't mean to dao you intentionally on MSN. If it's a weird hour, it means that I'm asleep and my very 'creber' MSN logged on itself. Hahaha. So don't keep appearing offline!