He's Just Not That Into You

I first picked up this phrase frm SATC, where Miranda was introduced to this concept by Carrie's Man of the Moment.

Ever since, I've been reciting it in my head. I particularly like enunciating it where necessary. Read as shown:

He's just not that into you.

Unfortunately, I haven't had the guts like Miranda to actually spread the gospel to others yet, well who am I to dish out advice like this when I, like Carrie and the rest of the girls, have spent a fair bit of my life deciphering mixed messages.

Maybe it's all like what Berger said:

"With men, there are no mixed messages. If we like you, we're coming upstairs."

And I really, REALLY believe that it's true. Well, save for certain extenuating circumstances. But isn't life so much simpler without the constant pain of reading in between the lines and constantly pondering why this or that happened, amidst juggling hot-cold tendencies and trying to turn them into a more favourable answer?

I guess there probably are no love-hate relationships in this world. You either mean what you say or say what you mean.

So the next time something like this happens, I'm embracing the gospel with open arms and an open heart.
There are no mixed messages.

He's just not that into you.

PS: I'm so watching the movie soon.

Slumdog Millionaire

So it was by pure chance that I stumbled across a Youtube video of local Harrow lad, Dev Patel on the Ellen DeGeneres show. I have a soft spot for Ellen DeGeneres by the way. I think she's the cat's pyjamas and pretty damn funny to boot. He wasn't exactly very good looking. A tad too thin and not to mention extremely boyish (hello....18!), but he had the most fabulous British accent AND I came to realise that he was the star of the much talked about Slumdog Millionaire which had scooped up a bunch of awards at the Golden Globes.

The storyline sounded pretty interesting so I decided to d/l it to have a watch. While waiting for it to finish, Zhin and I discussed bits of the movie and other things on MSN, but the one thing I remembered distinctly was being completely aghast when my file finished downloading and I opened it up only to realise one glaring point I had forgotten. It was a Bollywood film. Well, not exactly Bollywod per se but it was based in Mumbai and obviously it had to be as authentic as possible, so for the first part of the film, the language spoken was their native one, and for the second part, they spoke in accented English. I remember complaining to Zhin about Dev's own real life accent being masked and how horrendous that was, and I went to bed rather disappointed.

I brought myself to watch it again today, however, despite my phobia for Bollywood films, and to my surprise, I was rooted for the entire movie. I have the shortest attention span for movies - couldn't even take an hour of 'Burn After Reading'. But the authenticity of the film being shot in Mumbai.....the conditions of the slums....the children running around, the vast number of people there actually were in India.....the harsh reality of a Hindu-Muslim riot that killed a mother and left 2 boys orphaned, were all that tantalising for me. My heart wept when I saw the people who had to resort to picking up trash from the dumpsites as a source of income, or the women who had to do their washing in a river that was murky with pollution. I cringed on the edge of my seat in horror when I realised the true ulterior motive of the man asking a bunch of children to rehearse their singing, choosing the best songbird amongst them only to burn their eyes out so that they could beg on the streets as blind singers.

The love story that constructed the core of the movie was mediocre at the best, but the reality that was India opened my eyes to a whole new level, and made me aware of how, whether we liked it or not, some things were not fair in life and they never would be. We would always be stratified into different classes of society, whether we liked it or not, and there wasn't much we could do to change that. It made me so sad, however, that I had everything under the sun within my grasp while some individuals just miles away had to fight so hard everyday just to put food into their mouths.

I say this too much already....but c'es la vie, ain't it.

On a happier note, Happy CNY to all.

Another Year

Another year has passed. Again, I am pretty damn amazed at how fast it seems to zoom by. When I was in High School, all I could think about was how SLOWLLYYYY time seemed to crawl by and how I wish I could change that. And now.....oh well. A part of me sometimes wishes that I could build a clock whose hands could turn back in time.....just like in Benjamin Button, but then there is a huge part of me that embraces each year passing by. There is something fulfilling about growing up, getting older, looking at yourself mature slowly but surely over the years and realising this is what life is all about.

Of course there is still a part of me that harbours some points of Childish Girliness.....be it swooning at a TV Drama male lead or not being able to stop smiling when your crush talks to you, or even the selfish demands for more designerware when credit crunch is occurring all around you.....but nobody ever said that any of us were built to be perfect in any possible way.

We are humans, after all. And this year.....although I didn't have any hotshot party, didn't get pissed drunk on alcohol, didn't go out partying till the wee hours of the morning, didn't get any fabulous presents....I am happy. Mainly for the people who remembered and who cared, my God-sent friends.....with myself for finally being able to sort out priorities and see the silver lining beneath clouds despite my being ill with the flu this year and for everything that I have at the moment. I vaguely remember being incredibly upset last year about something so small and ranting to my beloved besties (what would I do w/out you guys ;)) and all that seems so vaguely far away in the distance, and oh so childish now.

PS: Manda, Niff: I'll email you guys soon. And yes I will stop procrastinating! Hahah

Much Love,
XOXO

Familarity Breeds Contempt

Or so I have heard once or twice, and would probably have been caught up unnervingly in an unpleasantly vicious cycle, had Noemi not told me to STOP right there, because Hell No....when you hate a person so much, you might just end up with him/her.

Let this be the end of contempt, for God's sake.

A History

22-year-old Female presents with bouts of vomitting and nausea, as well as chills and fever for the past few hours.

I can't even remember when the last time was, that I actually puked because of a pathological-related reason itself, lest food poisoning.

Such bad timing, I can't even begin to describe it -_-

And to put the cherry on top of the icing, I even have palpitations...and....woweee.....dyspnoea at times.

Am just praying and praying that I will survive the long, dreary flight, and everything after that.

Who wants to clerk me =P

I'm loving all the episodes that the TV Shows have come up with this week. Definitely a well applauded bang to the year end before they go on hiatus for the festive season.

I didn't go as far as to shed tears, because well, how can anyone possibly....for GG. But the pain in Chuck's and Blair's eyes actually scored a point within me, and I was undeniably impressed.

Am in a good mood and enjoying my bumming session already to celebrate a start to the holidays :)

I just realised a moment ago that I am actually going to see Niff again after a zillion years in a week's time!

Yes, I do realise this is horribly shameless...

But due to several requests for pictures of my bangs, I thought I might as well remember them when they still look okay. I'm pretty sure by the next week or so, my hair would have wilted to something unmentionable. Haha.

Bangs are the new Black

I finally decided to go opt for a change from my usual side-swept bangs today.

Not a blunt fringe, definitely. I don't do blunt fringes. Wouldn't know how to describe it except that I was opting for something like Kim Kardashian's new do. A softer blunt fringe, maybe??

But there are very few people I entrust my tresses to, especially when it is something as new as giving me new bangs, and at the end of it, I thought my hairdresser was the cat's pyjamas.

I also have way darker hair now. Strict instructions from my mum to PLEASE get rid of the original colour that had faded beyond mention.

Having spent the past week rushing essays and assignments and forgetting to eat a couple of meals in between in the process, this weekend is a HUGE welcome!

I have had the best time hanging with the chums on Thursday, and even last night. Am now running slightly out of time to fit in all my plans with different people before I leave for home next week.

The only downside is that my Toshiba's LAN Network card managed to get fried by lightning, and even though I had to switch back to my IBM, my connection is super wonky, which I can't, for the love of God, figure out why.

Where has all the time gone?

In the flash of an eye, it is suddenly December....all too soon.

November flew by as though I had never seen it occur, and when I look back on the past term, everything seems to be a blurry of events.

Sometimes I really do look back and wonder: Where has all the time gone?

Adults we are. Responsible, grounded, rational people we are expected to become.

Yet I still fluctuate.....flitting in between my own world of denial where everything is hidden beneath a facade of sarcastic jokes and laughter, and the real world where things are not as fine and dandy as they seem.

Much of life recently has been about rethinking priorities. Reorganising routines that I have become accustomed to for too long. Straightening out the messy bits of life and re-evaluating the words 'happiness', 'necessities', 'aims' and 'wants'.

While alot of the 'new life' has been about really connecting with Medicine and getting in touch wiht a side of me I had never seen before, for a moment there, out of the blue, it almost seemed as though you were a ghost from the past, appearing to haunt me in this one-off occasion.
How wrong was the capactiy.....the context.....the reality of it.
When one could have equated you with all of the above in the past, it is clearer than ever now that you were never meant to be here to stay.

Every now and then we find a special friend...

.....who never lets us down,


Who understands it all, reaches out each time you fall....


You're the best friend that I've ever found :)



HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY BELOVED HANNA!


Hope you like this. Hehe.






No Russell & Bromley, hehe, but I hope this suffices.

Lotsa Love,

XOXO

Dream a little dream....

I remembered what we were eating.

I remembered who we were with.

I remembered bits and pieces of the very words you said to me.

I remembered some bits of the conversation we had with everyone else.

I remembered you slicing something into half and dishing it to me.

But I just couldn't remember the name of the place.

Hmmm.....I have no idea why I fell asleep with this scene replaying in my mind.
Random it is....

PS: I miss Manda soooooooooo much it's indescribable =S

Of Life and Lo-Lee-Ta

When I mentioned that Nabakov's 'Lolita' could potentially be interesting reading material to Buaya over summer, he made this disgusted face and proclaimed vehemently that the concept of paedophilia, which was introduced in the book, was downright sick.

Nevertheless, I went ahead and picked up a copy, and have been reading it ever since.

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.

Do people these days write like this anymore?

"There are two kinds of visual memory: one when you skillfully create an image in the laboratory of your mind with your eyes open…and the other when you instantly evoke, with shut eyes, on the dark innerside of your eyelids, the objective, absolutely optical replica of a beloved face, a ghost in natural colours...."

"It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight...."

I hadn't realised how fatigue had taken its toll on me until recently when my mum commented on how exhausted I seemed to look. Without realising it, I had let myself be enraptured in a steadily deteriorating mood-slump that often left me feeling more tired than I probably really was, and left me lamenting about the zillions of jobs that I was supposed to juggle all at once.

And then, as cliched as it may seem, the Lehmann Brothers hoo-ha left me realising that life is only full of uncertainties and unpleasant surprises, and we should appreciate it to the fullest as much as we could.

Really, you are only as busy and as exhausted as you let yourself be.

You are only as overworked and undervalued as you perceive yourself to be.

You only look as lifeless as you let yourself become.

At the end of the day, I realise that as much as the public perceives it to be otherwise, so much of medicine boils down to character building, and it is really up to us to grasp every opportunity and make the best of it before we are permanently moulded into people we don't even know anymore without realising it.

We live and we learn. I know I'm still doing it day by day

[Carrie's narration]:

"Some love stories aren't epic novels. They are short stories, but that doesn't make them any less filled with love"


[Les Mis']:

"He who does not weep does not see"

Ten Things I Love About You

Dear Niff,

1) You listen to me ramble on and on without breathing a single word of protest, despite how crappy the topic of conversation may get.

2) You still dub me the 'Fashionista' even though I have deteriorated beyond measure ;)

3) You are still one of the few people I can talk about anything under the sun with, even though it has been eons since I last saw you (my bad sorry!)

4) You tell me that I am 'thin' and 'skinny' and 'tiny' no matter how fat I have become. Hehe.

5) You manage to cheer me up every single time whenever I feel emo, and you never EVER complain that the topic of emo-shit is almost always the same =S

6) You let me call you silly names like Niffy and Niffy Poo even though we are full-fledged adults now ;) (You know how I only give pet names to special ppl hehe)

7) You let me spam you with MSN msgs, blog comments, wall posts etc etc and reply me patiently every single time without depicting a shadow of annoyance.

8) You have the best ways of dishing out advice and sound words tactfully even though many a time my issues are just downright stupid.

9) You humour me every single time, be it bimbotic conversations, complaints about other people or raves about Greys Anatomy ;)

10) You are just you. My newly-turned 21-yr-old Niffy whom I have now known for a total of 4 years, and still deem the day I met you at the airport, one of the luckiest days of my life :)

May the rest of your year be equally fabulous, just like you.

Happy Birthday Jenn!!!!

Much Love x

There is a reason why I was never a star athlete in High School.

5 or 6 years later, nothing has changed at all. Instead, I have deteriorated so badly that I am mildly appalled at myself.

Had I made myself believe that I could run pretty well back in school?? Or had the competition I had faced back then simply been a shadow of the competition I face now? Or maybe just simply that I have deteriorated beyond measure?

Amidst my horribly aching muscles, I am mildly glad now that my daily schedule is packed with a zillion and one things to do, despite several complaints in the past. At the very least, I can work on my multi-tasking skills, amidst keeping my mind off the most trivial of issues.

On the same note....You know how sometimes you have this mindset that there are some friends you have made in the past that will always have this bond with you?
That no matter how far apart you grow physically or mentally, when you talk again, it seems like nothing has ever changed?

We're no longer the best-EST of friends, no matter how hard we try to make ourselves believe otherwise.

We have different mindsets now, and different opinions of life. And we have grown further apart than you would like to believe.

In truth, there's so much we don't get about each anymore, that the only thing to go from here is just to push forward and let this rift grow further and further apart.

In the past, I was always pretty sure of myself, my mannerisms, preferences, quirks and which type of people I liked hanging out with best.

As of late, I'm all about versatility and adapation. And exploring anything new.

Cheers,
xx

Sometimes I wonder how something so simple can obliterate my mind so completely.

Exhausted.

Please let me sleep forever.

I miss Heffakite, ChanelVersaceRobertoCavalli, Playing Cards and Nua-ing.

It's Only Life

Gosh, I haven't felt this uninspired to blog since....man, I don't even remember.

But in an effort to revive this blog....well, sort of.....there are a few things to sum up this summer.

- Started missing my clinical attachment session after I got home, despite having had to return home late because of it.

- I didn't blog at ALL since my break started. Which is a huge shock. Usually, late nights up alone during hols at home seem to spark the most emo of emo-moments, hence leading to the need to blog.

- I got over my huge distaste and phobia of whiskey that has been present since the start of '07.

- Discovered that my tolerance got better despite having not consumed hard liquor for the whole of the first half of '08.

- Changed my hairstyle. Unintentionally, I might add. I have not had long, straight, layered hair for so long that it felt a little weird at first, but ah well.....hair is just hair =P

- Got a little bored of shopping. Didn't buy anything at all.

- Grew fatter *sobz*

- Lost touch with quite a lot of people, unintentionally too! I'll be back in touch soon ;)

- Booked my tickets to Jkt. See you all soon!!

- Had the most unhappening summer, contrary to hpy's popular belief =P But in so many ways, it was also a fantastic summer, filled with plenty of bumming and zero emo moments.

Relief #2

Relieved that exams are done with and passed!

My loonnnggg holiday of bumming and doing nothing starts properly right now

:)

Could nvr have done this alone.

Thank Youuuuu!

BFFs and Birthdays :)

To My Funky Fashionista (with the coolest hair now hehe) and Bestest Friend in the whole wide world :)

As much as the world and people around you are constantly changing every day, you are the one thing that is constant in mine :)

Happy Birthday, Darling!!

Love you to the moon and back!

<3

Can You Hear Me?

Remember the last Euro? Man, time flies. I can still see myself arguing with hpy over scores, taunting each other's teams, and sitting in the West End, feeling my heart sink when Greece (of all ppl!!) kicked my beloved France out of the competition. Of course, after that I couldn't really be bothered to follow up with the finals.

This Euro is a weird one.

First off, I gave up on France during the last WC when they performed like crap to start with, somehow managed to worm their way into the Finals, and got trumped by Italy.

Which is partly why I didn't bother watching any matches this time around (besides exams of course =P). Because it looks like I wasn't really wrong about Les Bleus this time either. What with Zizou finally out of the picture and Henry warming the bench, and a possibly hopeless make-up of the rest of the team. Bleh.

And there is no England either. Thanks to well....no pushing the blame around. It still feels weird.

So with both teams out of the way, I am forced to heap my support on to another team. No, I am not favouring Italy. Well, not just for the reason that they already got trashed by the Netherlands, along with the fact that they happen to be in the Group of Death. Hahaha. Oops.

What clearer decision to make besides going for the stylish Spaniards? Heh. The team that Fernando Torres - Liverpool superstar is in....even though he has yet to shine. But worry not, he will.

My point?? I think I'm more interested in Euro '08's theme song by Enrique 'Can You Hear Me' than the new Euro champions.

Haha. I'm kidding. Maybe by hook or by crook, the team I'm supporting will win the Finals for once =P

Tachycardia. Tachyarrythmia. GreenTea runs. Late-night ponders.

And it doesn't remotely hurt, really.

Drawing the line....

at arrogance. At haughtiness. At presumed self-superiority.

I admit that many a time, I probably have been one to fall victim to these myself. There was also probably once a time that I turned up my nose at many a thing that is actually as trivial as anything can get, and yet I felt the need to dramatise and complain unendingly about it just because I had let the lack of judgment within me take over.

These days, I kid not when I say that humility is truly a virtue. I have realised the importance of being humbled over and over again by the things that happen around you everyday, and the path that is laid out for us, which in truth, we probably have not much control over.

I remember in CC, 'Lucy' referred to me as a 'Da Xiao Jie', which irked me slightly, but not as much as it would probably irk me now if someone were to use the same term on me. I am grateful for the fact that I grew up with the policy of 'ask and thou shalt receive', or on several occasions, without even asking. I am even more grateful that I am one of those who was fortunate enough to be raised with a silver spoon in her mouth. So much so that on several occasions during the past few years since I left High School, I have grown increasingly afraid that I might have turned into one of those 'UpperEastSide Snobs', so to speak figuratively.

Many a time when I whine that I lack sufficient 'trendy-looking designer bags' for this year or crave for another Balenciaga or even that particular Valentino, or how I think that Marc by Marc Jacobs is considered 'High Street standard' and that Topshop is just blergh, I check myself right there.

My younger self 2 or 3 years back might have been eager to flaunt designer ware (not that I had that many back then) or obvious comfort in life and the good fortune of incredibly compliant and generous parents, but my current self, believe it or not, strives hard to keep a low profile. It makes me cringe when a weird look crosses the face of the person whom I'm talking to when they realise that I could, on many circumstances, turn out to be the 'Da Xiao Jie' that I have been tagged as. But in reality, I cannot describe how truly humbled I have been in recent times...by everything and everyone, and how afraid I am of turning into a 'designer-clad princess who has every comfort in the world at her feet'...and not just in terms of materials, but in terms of making an effort to accept or get to know everyone for who they truly are, no judgement. I have observed and experienced around me, and truth be told, it is certainly not the most attractive of characters to possess.

I just hope this is what they call growing up.

Whatever it takes

Can you feel this???

Even after all this while.....incredulous, isn't it?

I'm so done with trying to be nice.

Sensationale

"Let me tell you a secret, my dear.

I pretend that there is a pane of glass between myself and...them.

They can see me...but they cannot touch me."

Life on Hold

Today was a good day.

I have found the funniest movie buddies to replace my cuzzie. Hahaha. Strange why the ppl around us didn't think the movie was AS funny. Lol.

I haven't laughed so much in ages. Hahah.

Funny how I spent the whole week wishing for the weekend to be here so that I could spend my days hibernating only to be unable to sleep early on Friday night =P

OSCE and Test down, but still no pause in life. More mugging piling up and finals in a blink of an eye =P

And I don't even have time to rearrange my summer plans or book that Jkt flight and think about the possibility of a Melb trip.

So currently everything is on hold. So sorry. Haha.

Mafia-Themed

This is for you, Massachussetts. Hopefully it makes you miss me more ;)

xx

Couldn't think of an appropriate enough title for this one. Maybe because I initially wanted to mark the post down as 'The Day Shing dappled in Adventure Sports' but then I realised it was gonna be a mishmash of things (Haha, your word, Jenn).


So on this very glorious day, I went on a caving trip because I am a very nice person, and as Cheek kindly reminded with his 'puss in boots eyes', he and Sean were friends in need. Which is true enough, anyway. I felt sorry about the turn-out of the whole situation and decided trips like these were worth a try at least once in a lifetime anyway.


Let me reinstate that the day before, me and Michelle played pivotal roles in roping in last minute victims....oops, I meant people, to join the expedition. After much pleading to extents that almost saw me exhausting my persuasion skills, we managed to con 4 more ppl (one of which we automatically included) to join at the last minute. Unfortunately I realise that I probably can't do anymore of this because it would probably seem very hypocritical if I went around conning people to join trips in which I myself do not participate. Hur Hur.


This is getting too long. Argh. Anyway, all in all, the trip was....eye-opening and definitely a once in a lifetime experience for me. To say that I have developed a sudden love for Adventure sports would be pushing the limit, but I am glad that I went, even if the least there was to gain from it was discovering that I am a hopeless climber.....which wasn't the case, of course. There was much insight that I gained from it, from all angles. The structures were magnificent and the pitch black atmosphere was incredibly calming at times.


Unfortunately, a certain Japanese counterpart possibly owes me a new outfit from Yohji Yamamoto. Lol.


Back to the reality of mugging and catching up w tons of stuff, and practising for OSCE's now. ARGH. Which I have yet to do. Through karaoke moments like last night and 'adventurous moments' like this one, all in all, the clock is ticking. And I realise I have been abandoning my friends yet again. Sorry!


And also sorry for the previous cryptic post. It wasn't really meant to be cryptic, I just haven't gotten around to telling some people. Haha. Well, at the very least, one person knows what I'm talking about :)

Thanks for always being there, Niff. Through the mountain of complaints and more.


Will put some overdue pics up in the next entry

x

You remind me

It is strange how it materialised out of the blue....the tiny details that reminded me of you.

The Converse sneakers, the small mannerisms, the slightest of dressing details...even the glasses.

The only saving grace was that when he opened his mouth, his voice was as different to yours as night is to day.

Unfortunately, instead of nostalgia, emotion this time around arrived in the form of intense dislike, annoyance and distaste for everything he did.

Eventually, I realised that these were phantom images that I could choose to see or not to see. And with the growing guilt from the multitude of withering looks and snarky remarksI had thrown at the poor, clueless boy, I decided to let these deranged moments go.

On this totally un-emo note, I just find it amazing how things change in life. Heh.

Such as how you and I have come such a long way from being best friends to complete strangers.

PS: I know this blog is dead. Have some pics that I'm waiting for that I will update asap :)

Much Love~

V

Maybe ages has taken its toll on me, but auspicious 'holidays' seem even more overrated as of late.

I have undoubtedly turned into a sceptic :)

Yet, still....I felt the need to dedicate some shout-outs this year, even more than the last.

Niffy Utah heffaG17 heffaG2 Colour Chekkie Hanna RexyBabyy! NoemiDaJie Janey Voonie:

Thank You for your presence in my life. You have touched my heart in every possible way, saved me when I was sinking, brightened up the greyest of my days, and I am blessed indeed to have met you.

(There are, of course, a great many others who mean a great deal to me, mainly those of XY chromosomal orders, but to avoid fan clubs with cleavers outside my door, as of tradition, my V Day darlings will remain strictly female for obvious purposes ;))

Studying has taken its toll upon my daily life. Exhaustion is sinking in, when it really shouldn't be. Sometimes I feel like all the exuberance of my personality has withered drastically. As though the brighter side of me is a mere shadow of the past. Ah, well.

This week seems like such a long one.

Unbreakable

To helping fill the emptiness that loomed in the core every now and then

To listening, so patiently and unquestionably when I needed it most

To all the fun and laughter that echoed around me every minute of my life

To proving me otherwise when I thought my birthday was going to be the worst ever

This love is truly unbreakable :)

xxxx

Happy CNY everyone!

No Djoking Around....

.....was the personal message on my MSN nick after a tremendous mens finals at the Australian Open in Melbourne Park.

And after a huge blogging draught on my part, it actually inspired me to blog again!

Yes!! About tennis and my first time watching the Grand Slam tournament of Asia, the AO. Me, a tennis noob. Lol. A noob who is, currently, very much a fan, and to be more precise, very much a fan of THIS 20-yr-old:

Novak Djokovic. Fondly known as the 'Djoker', for his ability to mimic his fellow tennis players so brilliantly off court. He is absolutely hilarious! (Owed that trivia to Kel who is now my tennis guru hehe)

After watching Djokovic defeat Roger 'The King' Federer in straight sets at the semis on Friday, I became very much a fan of this Serbian youngster. Not only were his serves pin-point brilliant, he managed to remain fairly cool and worked the angles brilliantly, and in the end many of his aces did save him quite a bit.

But the finals was just hands-down brilliant beyond words, inevitably. I was aware before I watched it that it would be a tough match between the two. Unseeded as he was when he pranced on to Melbourne Park, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga is currenly ranked 18th in the world, but nothing in his drive, his pace and his strength at the tournament ever failed to indicate that he wasn't worthy to be on that stage.

Due to his uncanny resemblance to wrestling legend Muhammad Ali, they wrote this about him in Melbourne after he stunned Nadal:

"Volleys like a butterfly, aces like a bee"

(In comparison to Ali's 'Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee')

After a much gruelling 2 and a half odd hours, during which there were countless nerve-wracking moments where I marvelled at Tsonga's crisp drop shots, his massive aces and the moments that Novak constantly misplaced his shots (well in the beginning anyway), it was a much deserved win (in my opinion).

Coming down from one set down to win the other two sets, the last of which was a heart-stopping tie break, Djokovic was THE MAN :) And although he probably wasn't the favoured player to win this tournament, he clearly deserved to win. And I'm glad I witnessed every moment of it, because it wasn't a touch on the Sharapova-Ivanovic match the day before.

Who says boredom does weird things to people? Haha.

Mine led me to discover a whole new Grand Slam experience and The Djoker :)

Perhaps it's true what they say. Because it is inevitably your absence that reminds me the most of you.

On my playlist, the ever-familiar strains of Zhou Jie Lun are abruptly interrupted by the familiar pelting of rain....pouring down yet again, and out of nowhere, I suddenly wonder how much colder it possibly is where you are right now....

I'm suddenly stirred by indescribable emotions.....a jolt of Deja Vu, perhaps?

An image of sitting on a bed, listening to 'Wo Bu Pei' over and over again, me demanding praises for the song in between pauses....that unspoken familiarity engulfing everything around.

I annoy myself, keeping a tab on my emotions only to have them fall haphazardly around me within seconds.

Because sometimes, for you, I would rather this always end at never.

And though time goes by, I will always be

In a club with you in 1973

Two Oh Oh Eight

So unlike the customary wraps of the past year that I have done all this while, my brain has, unfortunately, turned to mush this year.

All in all, I loved 2007, although the beginning was more of a down for me than an up. But towards the end, everything was great. Everything managed to straighten itself out eventually, and the last bit of it all....spending them with my beloveds again after so long was just the cherry on top of the icing.

Lurve ya alls~!

Then it was much-treasured Kch time with the lovelies.

This year's NYE outing was themed 'Shing's party at Kel's apartment', which turned out to be FAB! Well, in my opinion anyway. Me and Lai felt a tad guilty at the end, though, because we were supposed to drive into the city to meet up with peeps, but it was POURING and I mean POURRRINNNGGGG like mad. Hope everyone had fun still, though! :) And muchos gracias to Kel and Jane for throwing a greaaatttttt pary! Hehe.

Was a little off after that. And I apologise profusely to Manda for being a tad too chatty and driving home in a near stupor. HurHur. Also to Buaya whom I sent a text filled with what I am positive, was nonsense even though I don't remember a single thing.

Love all of you guys. Thank you loadddddssss for making the end of the year such a great one!

Heck, loads more to update on but I am soooo lazy. Oh well....till the next post....

Au revoir ;)

When I was mugging for exams, in the midst of moments when I was so utterly exhausted I wanted to just sleep forever, I would jump up in the midst and go NOOOOO!! The one thing I HAD to make sure I did was make it home and then to see my Heffas Hanna, Bao and Woogui, and Chekkie.

Exams have been over 2 weeks or so now, and have been passed.

And yet I'm feeling a tad apprehensive.

What will people see in the changed me?

Last night I discovered that I can no longer do this clubbing thing. I can't stand the taste of whiskey, nor take alot of alcohol, and I can no longer get into the hype of dancing.

So I have become a square. Haha. Hopefully a still stylish square though :)

And that's only one of the few things that have changed. Plus, my hair has been chopped off now. HurHur.

And above all, I really hope that I am doing the right thing. Even if there is still a sickening wrench in my heart whenever I see your name on the screen.

Work resumes tomorrow. Ah well~

Peace out, ppl :)

Grateful and relieved :)

Thank You

Darlings here I come~

My Fondest Memory

Tagged by Jenn A VERY LONG TIME ago. Sorry hun!! Hehe. It's just that I didn't want to simply write something down for this one.

So what is my fondest memory?

At this point, it's hard to say. Haha.

So here are a few of my fondest memorieS:



-- The High School days with Manda and the rest of the Point 2 girls. You know, the days when we sat in groups of 4s and would get scolded by Danny for not paying attention early in the morning. When we sniggered about X, Y, Z and I endlessly and went on quadruple 'dates' which involved movie-watching with no conversation. Lol. The days of dressing up for the most 'important' social event of the year, i.e. Interact Installation Night, giggling about Toyboys and the times that we took for granted because we saw each other every single day. The days of gossiping during History class and religiously memorising Moral definitions. The moments amidst mugging endlessly for exams and after that, SPM, where we managed to insert that little bit of colour into our lives.



-- Post High School Graduation, there were the holidays to look forward to each time. The X'mas holiday traditions which revolved around meticulous plans for NYE, which often resulted in disastrous outcomes, but which every single one of us treasure so much all the time. The numerous outings to the normal places where we hung around talking about things that began with 'Do you remember...' And there were, of course, the many alcoholic stints in between :) As much as we always stood around in circles contemplating about where to go next, agonisingly, because Kch is what we call, a hole....nothing much mattered because there was always the priceless company of friends.



-- CC Days.....the best days of my life. The day I met my TG girls was probably the luckiest, most wonderful day of my life, and I maintain that to this day. Amidst hair-pulling prior to exams, rotting in respective rooms mugging endlessly, memorising lines out of Bio textbooks, doing Math homework in the dead of night and freaking out for interviews, there were many irreplaceable moments that lie fondly within the heart. Laughing about 'Number 4s', practising for talent show dances, deciding what to wear to dances, DJ-ing at discos, tradition Saturday afternoon trips to town, note-writing in class and after class and just gossiping in the corridor or in rooms after curfew. Now I remember, why it was so difficult to part ways during that last day of school, and yet no matter how far apart we all are, you will always be in my heart.



-- I'm not sure how to name this particular memory in a chronological way, so I will just name it 'The Stints with Chekkie,Bao,Annie&Woogui'. Again, without you guys, I would never have survived a great many moments of my life, post-CC, and as much as this sounds phony, the pigging-out sessions around the Kitchen table, the trips to the various eating places, the West End outings, the moments just spent watching Korean movies in Chekkie's room or sappy shows in Bao's living room for the entire day, are amongst the happiest moments of that period of my life....happy moments that I would never have envisioned possible at that time. The silent emotional support you provided, or the time you took out of your busy lives to listen to me rant about my stupid issues is undeniably priceless, and I miss you guys every single day!!!

I always thought that blogging was something like the pensieve in Harry Potter...where you could pull out strands of memories to remember again.

And these, I will remember...forever :)

Tagged

Tagged by YL Hoo a verryyy long time ago

7 things to do before I die:

1) volunteer with Medecins Sans Frontieres
2) dance to ‘4 seasons of loneliness’ once more
3) live in Boston, or at least visit Boston
4) hang with my darlings like the old times again
5) learn hip-hop dancing professionally
6) go on an unlimited designer shopping spree
7) be a good doctor


7 things I won’t do even if it kills me:

1) smoke
2) engage in drugs
3) become a slob who has no sense of personal style
4) lose all contact with my bestie, my person and my girlfriends
5) try all the disgusting food that I have sworn never to eat
6) become really, REALLY fat
7) backstab my friends


7 things I do when I’m away from the public:

1) sleep
2) cry
3) reminisce about silly things in the past
4) shower?
5) Re-watch House and Greys over and over again
6) Listen to the same favourite song over and over again
7) Camwhore


7 favourite quotes & expressions:

1) REALLYYY?!?
2) Oh crap!!
3) *uncontrollable laughter at sarcasm or funny expressions*
4) ZOMG
5) *withering stare* Lols
6) Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
7) Victory comes to those who believe in themselves


7 favourite songs:

1) Wo Bu Pei – Zhou Jie Lun
2) 4 Seasons of Loneliness – Boyz II Men
3) My Place – Nelly
4) Qi Li Xiang – Zhou Jie Lun
5) Ni Bu Zhai – Wang Lee Hom
6) The Way I Are – Timbaland
7) Ayu – V.E.
(Yes I know my songs are all damn back-dated and weird)


7 things I’ll make you wish you didn’t do:

1) Tap me on the shoulder and poke my cheek with your finger when I turn around
2) Insult my best friends or anyone who really matters to me in my heart
3) Talk about me behind my back while pretending to be nice to me in my face, and let me catch you
4) Judge me, in any way at all
5) Swear at me while shouting at me in public
6) Insult my personal style
7) Hurt those whom I love

7 ppl to tag:

1) Jenn
2) Kim
3) Yeen
4) Manda
5) Cherie L
6) Cheek
7) Jane

Wo Bu Pei

I have reached a new level of addiction to Zhou Jie Lun's new song, even by my standards. Lol.

"If only you weren't Zhou Jie Lun..."

And I echo these thoughts, precisely.

Was it always meant to be of this surreptitious, clandestine manner?

An indifferent mask, displayed to the public....and yet, beneath it....a zillion and one secrets that we reverred in.

Because sometimes I wonder....if I were to bury my head in a hole in the ground so that I wouldn't be able to see you, would you pretend that you couldn't see me too?

Memoirs

Memory is a strange thing. It seems to capture images as a whole, refusing to omit the tiny, specific details that might, possibly....no longer be there.

And so it is that when I turn my head to the right towards the row of wooden bleachers next to me, I still half expect to see you, in all familiarity amidst the bouncing of the black rubber ball off the walls and the scuffling of court shoes on the wooden floors.

Or that I can still see, through the smoke and throngs of people pushing in front of me, your profile on the couch next to mine, your voice echoing through the incessant boom of loud music in my ears.

Oh how easy it is to OD on these images. These images that are now just pictures. Painted pictures breathing a life of their own...moving haphazardly through the sky. And in that brief moment that I reach out to touch them, they are gone.

Or not.

Because sometimes remembering will lead to a story. A story that seemingly lasts forever.

And that's what stories are for....for when all has disappeared, and there is nothing left that is tangible....except that story of my life.

Home Turf

There are certain meanings words cannot suffice.

Certain connections that need nothing to be said at all.

Such as the familiar feeling of being back on home turf.

And so it is that we keep plodding on, keeping this safe rift between us.

Because it is simply all for the best, really.

Sssshhhh

It doesn't matter if we will meet again
It doesn't matter if you will remember me
I just want to tell you a secret

I love you

Currently addicted to Zhou Jie Lun's theme song for his movie 'The Secret'. Plus the movie was amazingly good, unexpectedly...surpassed....my expectations. Or maybe it was just that bit of it that touched me.

Yes I know, I'm lagging.

Now I remember why I like Zhou Jie Lun so much :)

Moments Like These

A week or so ago, I was in a toy department looking for a birthday gift. After much agonising and brain-wracking so as what to buy, I suddenly stumbled upon a familiar face.

Guess who! ;)

Minnie Mouse!!!! :)))

Hehehe. And in that split second, I saw Jenn's face and the scene in my tiny room, where her disgusted face said it all in retaliation to my proclaimation that I liked Minnie Mouse.

To which I protested indignantly. "Whattt!!! What's wrong with Minnie Mouse! She's cute!"

"Noooooo her voice is like 'MinNniiEeeee MOUssee'! It's so 'xiao jie!'"
(The caps and uncapped letters are meant to be try and indicate the hilarious way in which she varied her high and low pitches....hahahaha)

And at that very moment in the toy store, I burst out laughing uncontrollably all by myself, thinking of that very scene that happened 2 years ago.

Lol.

It's moments like these that I know I will remember forever :) And a person like you who is irreplaceable.

PS: Niffy this is dedicated to you. Hahaha. May you grow to like Minnie some time soon. Lols.


Everything DOES happen for a reason, even if it doesn't seem like it at this very moment.

May we all continue to be strong in trundling down that long, winding path.

And whatever it is, I will always be here with open arms and an open heart. (And broad shoulders ;))

XOXO

The things that do

... matter are the ones deemed most unspeakable from my heart.

So where does the heart lie?

Obliquely in the mediastinum, from the 2nd rib to the 5th intercostal space

Currently?

Torn into two. Approximately 3,000 miles and 6,000 miles away.

And speaking of cardio.....I love Cardio bar. It gives me the right amount of endorphines I need these days. And yet pilates took that away by adding to the aching muscles.

My verdict? Starving is so much easier.

And yet thatttt... my weight, the one thing that mattered so much to me back then, hardly ruffles a feather now. Hardly changed as it has, I can't really be bothered to keep up with the famous 'water diet' any longer, lest the 'nothing' diet.

Things that matter in your life change. And Life is short. Yet it is full of ups and downs.

But the ups are what we live for. And when I look back on the ups of my existence, there was always, ALWAYS you, even when I made it all about me.

And cheesy as this may sound, I love you :) Not just for every ounce of the courageous person you are that I could never ever become, but because you are you.

It seems like the day has come. I have finally lost interest in Greys Anatomy.

Slogging through all 3 episodes feeling bored and disorientated left me with a strange feeling. The only emotion I got from the series being a surge of immense irritation at Derek at the end of Ep 2 for his lack of self control.

It was a very Meredith-like moment, nonetheless, that bout of deranged irritation. Like I was getting mad at Derek....a moving figure on a show on my laptop screen....when the anger was really directed somewhere else.

Haha.

That ship sailed a very long time ago.

And yet sometimes I still see myself standing at the dock looking into nothingness.

And this is one of those days.

DELETE DELETE.

*kapish*

Happy 20th, Darling :)

For all the times you were there for me, even when I was whining about the most stupid things in the world.

For all the moments that you stood by me and offered your shoulder for me to cry on, even when you were a zillion miles away.

For all the laughter you induced in me, which only you can do. Hehe.

For all the bimbotic times we shared, even when it involved sporadic MSN conversations.

For all the times that I proclaimed someone was FAT and you retaliated in horror. Hahahah.

For all the conversations when you tried to talk some sense into me.

For all the things that you confided in me about, even the smallest things :) (They mean the world to me)

And even though I have been a little MIA this year, I hope you know that at the end of the day...

You mean all of the above to me, and more.

Happy Birthday, Bestie :)

Love Always,

Your 'person' :)

The simplest things...

.... are the ones that touch you the most.

And that phone call all the way from Melb did just that :)

And My Baby Turns 19!! :)

Heheheh Happy 19th Birthday to my baby / hot chick/ sexypoo Rexanna!

You've been the greatest friend and confidante to me through all the good and bad times.

From the 'playing music on repeat mode' days

To taking part in disastrous talent show dances (LoL)

To fabulous holidays in Kch

To putting your fabulous baking skills to work for Kambing's bday

To talking with Noemi in the corridors till wee hours of the morning (and laughing at me :S)

To everything else that matters and touches my heart in every possible way.

Those I will always treasure. And remember....forever :)

Lurve you to bits, baby! (Obvious favourtism muahahaha)

XXOO,

Mummy

PS: I think you're my only family member left. And Noemi Jie. Everyone else has ditched me and left. Husband, daughter, son, Ah mah, Ah kong.....everyone! Boo =S Hahhaha.

Two words...

You're Therapeutic :)

PS: And a very Happy belated Bday shout goes out to the Liangster. Hehe. Happy 22nd.

Samantha Thavasa :)

Today I am reminded of the reason I pulled through those darkest days of my life.

And today I realise that nobody could ever replace you as a friend, no matter how far apart we may be.

Thank You.

Samantha Thavasa is the bomb. Hehe.

Today, under the dimmest light shining through some clouds, I finally realise....

That not everyone can and will understand my ways

That I should learn to be less demanding

But today, I also realise that at the end of the day, you are infinitely there for me

And that no matter how our friendship has been bent in all possible ways

There is a reason why you will always be my hpy :)

Lacrimosa

If I could choose to be teleported to a particular time of my life, I would choose 2003.

Because that was when I was focused, Zhin-free and had yet to see so much more in life.

And even though the year or so after perhaps comprised some of the best moments of my life when you waltzed through it, there is nothing I would trade now to go back to then. No matter how much it remains embedded in the lobes of my brain.

And as of now, it bothers me how much messing up a person's emotions disturbs me.

Am I such a bad person after all?

And somehow, it's just not the same anymore. Like we were trying to hard to go back to before even though frankly it felt utmostly different. Especially when I seemed to be increasingly obsessed about a certain other factor the entire night. Which was....disturbing, as such.

I'll give you this though. You're still you. Maybe I'm just not me any longer.

Did you ever wish you could just disappear?

Sometimes....

That's how I feel.

Sometimes I feel I should just be an antisocial character and stop talking to everyone.

Well, certain people at least.

Till I can learn not to feel anything at all any longer.

Two lows in two consecutive nights, ignited by two different ppl...the first being someone I shouldn't even be bothering about simply because we don't know each other well even.
I'm aghast.

So if I can't learn to be devoid of all this....

Could I at least just evaporate into the surrounding atmosphere?

I guess I spoke too soon about not having anymore strange posts....

Talking to an old friend brought indescribably wretched feelings deep within. Simply because I understand how he feels sometimes.....oh too very well. And because it pains me how I thought I could just push everyone out of my life.

Whatever it is, I'm here for you....always....

The Summer So Far~

To My Person :)

This is for you. No more strange posts. Instead, a properly narcissistic one filled with loads of stupid pictures. Hehe. Have been meaning to post up pics but the connection is just retarded, as always. Lol.

Now you update too, kays?

xxxx

-- Pictures from the clubbing outing with Mo and the girls from ages ago. Look how long my hair was then OMGGGG --


-- Random shots from the girls' (YuanLih, GanLi, Caryn & MeiLee's) visit to Kch: end of June --

Once upon a time, on the 20th of June....

...... the most amazing person in the world was born :)

On this day, 20/06/07, she turns the big 2-1.

Happy 21st Birthday, Manda!! You mean the world to me, and so much more.

You've had my back through all the dark days of endless whining and outburst of emotions where you seemed to demonstrate infinte patience and the greatest sense of empathy ever.

Through all the sticky moments where we would crack our heads on where to hold our annual NYE Celebration this year.... ;)


Through hilarious moments over Absolut Mandarin in Bar Zing and sniggering about Zhin, I, Bobi, Hide or Ina. Lol.


And through the fun times where we would talk on the phone for hours on end as though three years had not flown by in a glimpse since the days of sharing my table and gossiping during History class.

You know me inside out, even when I'm holding back things that cannot be put forth in coherent words, and you always ALWAYS understand me most. And when I realise that my days are flying by ever so quickly with each year being added on the calendar (and me feeling old in the process), when I hang out with you, I'm reminded ever so dearly of our High School days and how life could possibly have been so bright and shiny back then compared to now. And even if we have changed throughout this entire time, you have definitely not changed one bit as my bestest best friend :)

~~** To Utah, From Massachussetts....with Love :) ** ~~ LOL

Words cannot do justice as to how much your friendship has touched my life in the greatest of ways.....so off the top of my head, here are a few highlights that I will always keep in my heart wherever we may be....five, ten or even twenty years from now....

~* My 7th Birthday Party.....even though it ended in the most disastrous of ways and I still feel a little tinge of guilt since then, I'm glad it marked the beginning of our friendship :) Hehe.

~* Quadruple *ahem* 'dating'....with Yenny & Denise, and X,Y,Z & I. Hahahah. I remember the very first show we watched. Miss Congeniality. And even though, come to think of it now, it couldn't possibly have been any more awkard than that, LOL, it was one of the most FUN moments of my life. Not just because it was funny, but because you were there ;)

~* Phone conversations that last for hours on end. The latest one in my mind being our recent dissection of my 'outing' with Zhin. Hahahaha. To you I can yak on forever and ever as if time had stood still. I have only found one other person whom I can do that with....and yet at the end of the day, he is still nothing compared to you. Hehe *muacks*

~* Our 'compatriot-ly' games....hahaha, in the days where our footie knowledge could have challenged those of the ESPN presenters and stalking info of Hide and Ina online seemed to provide the dire entertainment needed in F4 and F5 while every Arsenal vs Liverpool match was exciting in every possible way (although the outcome was almost always the same). Lol.

Ahhhh, the nostalgia. Hehe. Despite how much I wish I could turn back the hands of time to that moment where seeing each other everyday in school was taken for granted, there is nothing I would trade for this. For how much of a pillar you have been to me and how our friendship has withstood the wear & tear of time only to remain very much like before.

So here's to 14 years of being friends, and many more to come :)

PS: Oooooh this provided me with the best form or procrastination possible. Sorry though, my picutre uploading thingy is weird, so more pics at a later date. Hahahah. Happy 21st Birthday, babes! And rmb.....I lurrrveeeeeee youuuu, bestie <3~>

Getting in touch with reality

A request from my Niffeyhh Baybbeehhh, hence the update, even though there is absolutely nothing to update on. Lol.

I've changed so much in the past few months that it's almost unbelievable. I realised I had become a different person ever since I left school all those years back, and to change even further from that...well....sometimes I'm not sure who I really am or want to be anymore. I am aware that change isn't necessarily always a good thing, but I am also aware that I am closer to discovering myself now than ever before, and the person I am today, despite being a shadow of the person I would like to be, is very much more ME than the person I was back in High School.

I have also discovered, that some of my friends from back home have never changed one bit. And again, I'm not saying this is necessarily a good thing. It never ceases to amaze me, the myriad of personalities that exist amongst the people I know in this world. And yet it also exasperates me, at times, how some people could possibly act in certain ways. At the risk of sounding judgmental, a free world as it is, there are certain standards that are expected of a person in terms of being labelled a nice, down-to-earth, humble, sensitive, generous human being, and as much as I dwell on the phrase 'That's what friends are for', friends are around to give and take, help those in sticky situations, lend a shoulder to cry on and so much more. I've had my fair share of giving and taking (bless those people, you know who you are ;)), and yet ever since I left my comfy days of TG and Baby E, I have realised that the definition of friends has varied so widely in this very day, amongst different people, that it pains me at times.

I cannot dwell enough on how much insensitivity, blatant rudeness, mean attributes and such could kill a friendship, and I cannot stress enough now. On the surface, I may be the epitome of calmness in public. I will do things obligingly within my limits if you have to ask, even if I think it is downright unreasonable. I will go along with things that I dislike, just because I don't want to cause an unnecessary squabble. I will never raise my voice and shout at you in public, simply because I believe in basic courtesy and the way I portray myself amongst people. And yet, somewhere along the line, I will break. And even though I might not show it, or the cracks will heal almost immediately, the growing rift between those individuals is inevitable.

In the 12 months or so from now, when I see my friends from home again, it will indefinitely be awkward. I am changed, but I have changed into a person that is perceived differently by them than I would have liked myself to be. And yet, does it matter? Does it matter that it would possibly be my name on the table this time being labelled a b*tch by people because I am ungrateful and have abandoned my relationships with the rest? Does it matter that people will see me differently in a not-so-flattering light (if not already now) because there have been incorrect judgements of my character being passed around verbally? To be truthful, it doesn't bother me one bit. When you are stuck in ruts or drowning in seas, friends are supposed to be there, through thick and thin, because they will know you inside out, and even if people change, the connection between them will always exist, if the friendship is true. And if it doesn't....well, enough said.

I don't mind nonsensical banter, or sitting around the table talking about lame stuff, but untruthful gossip, belittling judgements of people and calculative accounts of others definitely do NOT get my vote.

My calm composure at all times does not mean I have infinite patience and endurance. I am but human, after all.

I realise that my blog is cryptic as such, but it is my turf after all.

And finally, contrary to the popular common conclusion that might be drawn after reading this entry, I am NOT, I repeat.....NOT complaining about people in particular. I do not complain about people in particular. To me, you do not anger me unless you are significant enough. And no, nobody significant enough to me is guilty of such proceedings. This entry is not meant for whinging purposes or to grovel for empathy from others. It is merely a series of ponderings that I have translated from thoughts to clumsy strings of words, and even though you might write it off as judgmental, I think there is some truth in it. And I am merely voicing it aloud because all of the above are potentially exasperating in every possible way, and as people who do not want such things done to them (I'm sure), the things above should definitely not be done unto others.

I will update about more coherent, day-to-day stuff after next week :)

Last but not least, a shoutout to my person Niffy Poo. You are the best! You provide me with the much-needed breaks and help maintain my sanity. You amuse all my silly rantings about certain peopole or things in particular, so that's why I need to say this. You must always be honest with me k? ANY time that I am being self-centered or annoying or just too freaking long-winded, you have to tell me. Lol. Cos you are one of the few ppl I can tell everything to, and hmmm....well....enough said. Muacks, babes!! :)

PS: Manda!!! Choose a favourite state! Hehehehe. And keep updating, because your taggie is my only insanity-releasing outlet these days. Hugs lurrveee you to bits and for a fraction of a second, I even wish i was in Ade. Hehehe ;) -- Massachussets -- LOL.

And Woogui aka King of my Kingdom aka G17! Come out of ur shell!!!! You too, RoyalBaoOnTheGoldenPlatter!!!

xxxx

Put that smile back in place

How is it that talking to someone who allegedly accuses me of remembering him once every 6 months can make me smile more than talking to you?

Screwed up sleeping hours and late nights up alone trigger the playing of Gwen Stefani's '4 In The Morning' on repeat, and somehow, amidst all this numbness, random snippets of life are triggered, and I am reminded of scenes of hanging out in my room for hours on end.

It's funny how my entries spike exponentially during certain periods of my life. A good destressing method, if anything...I presume?

Don't mind me =)

'A woman's heart is like an ocean full of secrets'.

Someone once commented that I must have been born in the wrong era of music and movies. I seem to be stuck in the 90's when it comes to the entertainment industry. With the exception of Zhou Jie Lun and R&B of course.

But a vast majority of my favourite films of all time exist from the 90's.

And recently, I downloaded Titanic to rewatch again.

My friend told me I was mad.

I found it strangely captivating, especially the last bit when she was going down and everything was finally coming to an end...lost under thousands of feet of icy, cold water.

Then I realised all the times that I had been feeling pensive over what I had 'lost' the past 1 and a half years, was in fact, a misconception.

Instead I realise now I had voluntarily thrown it out of my life.

When I dreamt that I had been shot, I also dreamt that you saved me. And that came to my mind, a split second after I woke up, still reeling from the shock and thinking that it was real. For a moment, I was strangely comforted, and then the feeling passed.

I never realised how much I had relied on you until you ceased to exist. I guess you were the one who was around, most of the time, when turmoil and tension weren't boiling forth by the minute. But you never really did much, except be THERE.

And that's just not enough anymore, is it?

No Miracle This Time

To be fair, I think Milan probably deserved to be dubbed European Champions more than Liverpool.

When you are erratic and you play inconsistently ALL the time (rolls eyes), you don't deserve to win the Champions League. And I guess this time there was no second miracle for the Reds.

*sigh* I'm having mixed feelings at the moment. Enough to trigger a blog post, at least. Lol Yes, I am updating *wow!*.

Anyway, back to my analysis of this 2007 Champions League Final. I DIDN'T watch it....Surprise Surprise! Hahaha. That's probably why S*man keeps saying I'm not a true Liverpool fan. But ANYWAYYYY.....Fillipo Inzaghi is currently OFF my list of favourite footballers. I remember I used to like him ALOT last time. Well, at least it wasn't Kaka. Hehe. Oh welll oh well~ I guess that's the way things are when you rely on one person, i.e. Steven Gerrard to do all the scoring, and when his boots aren't looking so good one particular match, you are screwed =P

Liverpool, you better BUCK UP NXT SEASON!

I know I'm weird, but I am superstitious when it comes to footie matches. To me, every time there is an important final and the team I root for happens to be a part of it (much to everyone's surprise), I always see two outcomes: one good, and one bad. OKAY, I know I sound like I'm off my rockers, but it's just me. Lol.

To some extent, I'm wondering what will happen this time with Liverpool's defeat. I can already see one bad sign in my life: I could have FREAKING DONE SO MUCH BETTER for my interview than just now. ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I have never NEVER NEVERRRRRR blanked out before in the midst of an interview, and for a few seconds here and there, I did!!!! I mean, I wasn't horrendous. But I could have been really perfect! Argh.

*Okay, Shing. Don't stress. Don't stress. It's not that important. It's only 2%. The assessment is the major component that will make or break you*

Hmm....I shall ramble on more so that Woogui will not keep shouting on my tagboard about me not updating when she herself is becoming more cryptic than I can ever be with no words in her posts. Lol.

- Volunteered at the children's cancer ward yesterday. It was...erm.....okay I guess. There were too little people volunteering this week to make a good, productive session out of it, so we were pretty laid back and not doing much except re-decorating the place. Also, most of the children weren't feeling very well that day :S I know this sounds incredibly cliched and cheesy, but it really pains me to see them sometimes. The chemo machine beside the bed, the IVs, the bedpans, the caps on their heads.....-sigh- I often wonder if this were to happen to me, if I could ever be as strong (mentally) as the parent who sits by their beds for those long days or weeks.

- Felt dissatisfied about an A- I found out that I got for my essay, and then felt ungrateful after because the average mark ppl seemed to be getting was a B. Oh well, essays don't prove anything, really. They just prove you're good at crapping. Haha. Still, have to prove myself a bit more for the next essay. And to be fair, I didn't really put that much effort into my last one. Didn't even want to edit it anymore for the final time before I submitted it because I was sick of it.

- Watched the finale of Greys over and over again. Not that I liked it that much. Why is it that I seem to like Season 2 more than Season 3? Hmmm. I started off the show liking Meredith much more than everyone else, thinking that I get Meredith, because I seem to be able to connect much more with her character. Now, at the end of Season 3, I seem to be more into Cristina than Meredith. And my annoyance at Izzie has wavered off completely. I actually FEEL for her now, instead of just wishing she would snap out of her emo-ness. I still get Meredith at some points, though. Meredith is strange, and bizarre in the weirdest ways - such as measuring her own happiness against the success of Cristina's journey to the altar, but I get her for that. But I feel that at this point now, I could do with a lot more Cristina in my personality. Haha.

- Caught up with a really old friend (we go all the way back to Primary 1!) who stopped over for a while on the way home for hols. It was nice because I hadn't seen her in over a year and we managed to talk quite a bit. Also, talking to her managed to change my view of priorities in life slightly, and I'm really quite thankful for that.

Sometimes I feel irritated at myself because I get annoyed at certain people, and then I check myself and say that I SHOULDN'T be annoyed, because he/she is my friend. He/she has done alot for me, and I should be grateful. But I still can't help it at times. I know no one is perfect, myself included. But sometimes people should just look into the mirror when they are at the ugliest of forms (emotionally) and make sure they don't cross all those unwritten boundaries. Because when you push me, the least I can do is retaliate after one or two trials. I can't remain stoic and take your crap every single time.

And then there are those people who just say all the WRONG things at the wrong times. When someone, say, cuts herself on the arm with a knife, and the wound is significant, do you rub salt into their wound? Do you hang around and state the painful truth saying 'OMG! That's such a bad cut! It's so deep! How in the world can you be so clumsy?!' ? As a friend, you're supposed to offer words of empathy and concern. Some friends choose to hide it on the surface and display their concern in a less obvious way, and many people have different ways of showing it, but so far I have been nothing less than endlessly thankful of my friends (my bestie, my person, my TG girls and my Rummies girls) for their blessed presence in my life. I cannot emphasise enough on how I wish some of my High School or other friends could be more like them. I know it's unfair to pinpoint as such, but when people really get on your edge, you start to realise the truth in it all.

Insensitivity. Blatant rudeness. Hypocritical actions. Lying. Indifference. Belittling tendencies.

In copious amounts, these are what get to me the most. And I'm sure, any other living, breathing person.

Lol. Okay, okay. Breathe. I'm not depressed or upset or emotionally affected by anyone in any way (especially not anyone I have been previously associated with in the past...please. lol). It was just a general outburst of thoughts because I have been on the receiving end of potentially ticking-off things for the last 2 weeks or so. And I have been behaving like a model human being by brushing everything off and channeling my days and nights into important, academic matters.

I have some pics but the uploading thing doesn't seem to work. Hmmm.

On a happier note, Zhin always knows how to put the smile back on my face :) Pity how I only always rmb to talk to him when I feel a little crappy though. Hehe.

~ Awesome and out ~

PS: Hanna, bring back an olive for me. LOL. Or a figurine of Zeus. Hurhur.