Not THAT Kind of Girl

Mini weekend getaway to the country.

AKA Lake District, Cumbria.

Was feeling extremely knackered all week and was wondering if I would be too exhausted to properly enjoy the outing, but again, I underestimated a trip with the kawans.

Beautiful place. Peaceful. Cold......BUT at least it wasn't raining. Very much welcomed from the hustle and bustle of London. When I was being jostled and shoved and almost knocked off my feet today in Victoria Station, I couldn't help but recall and embrace the lack of human capacity, where I could actually SEE miles and miles of unpopulated land at the Lakes.

Unfortunately, this was the response I got on two separate conversations after I got back.

#1:

hpy: How was the trip?

me: Good! Except we were hiking for 4 or 5 hours on the rocky footpath and my leg muscles AND feet hurt so much. Also I looked so damn out of place in my attire!

hpy: WHAT???? Just like Edinburgh?! Don't tell me you wore high heels!

me: *speechless* Why are you asking me the same question again?!

#2:

Jenn: Shing! How was Lake District?

Me: Good good. Really pretty! Except I wasn't exactly using proper footwear or gear and it was kinda tedious hiking for 4 hours!

Jenn: What improper footwear? Don't tell me you wore heels.

Me: OMG why is everyone asking me the same thing? Why would I wear heels to go hiking? Pffttt.

Jenn: HAHAHAHHA because you are sooooo predictable like that, Shing!

And this is coming from the two ppl who are supposedly the closest to me and have known me well for 7 whole years!

HMPH. I may like Minnie Mouse, and I like anything with a bow, and I wear heels on normal, non-hiking trips (because I am short!), and I do not own anything that is remotely North Face....but I am sooooooo not that kind of girl.

Pffttt.

Next purchases: Timberland boots, North Face parka, Deuter backpack. Watch this space!

In the meantime, here are some moments to remember:

Pssttt. Look at my shoes. Sneakers! No heels! I know my attire looks odd. But please ignore that. For the record, I had no idea we would be doing full blown hiking AND I have no proper outdoorsy clothes here with me in London.

And regular meetups with you are what keeps me sane throughout the year.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. And yes, I say Best Friends are Forever :)

Cardio God

This week has been a week of ups and downs. I started off the week with much stress, listening to MTAS conversations and coming to the conclusion that my future might be, perhaps, bleaker than I had ever imagined.

Then I decided it was possibly too late to lament any longer and decided to pro-actively try and be more involved in whatever clinical rotations I still had left before deciding my fate next year.

Much of what I discovered about myself this week was probably not very pleasant in many ways. Admittedly, I am not as nice a person as I would like to be, and can be rather opinionated, very evidently, about personalities that tick me off. And one of those are, perhaps, medics who are in the field for the completely wrong reason. Recently, a friend voiced his opinions to me about venturing into Investment Banking and Finance after having sat and passed some Surgical specialist exams. At that point, I was rather apprehensive of the idea, and said exactly so.

And then I realised that I was perhaps being unjustifiably judgmental about people's futures and their lives, when who in the world was I to say anything. I had learnt a very long time ago that the world was just becoming increasingly fake and more superficial from year to year, and I could possibly be one of those too in the near future. And as sincere and passionate as I would like to think myself out to be, I am not entirely sure that I REALLY am. Especially at this point in time.

Sometimes I really just wish I could get married after qualifying and be a Chronic SHO forever.

HAH.

On a perhaps, happier note, today is one of the days I would like to remember, simply because it was a whole 2 years ago that I last watched an open heart surgery at IJN - and that has definitely been too long.

Prior to some warning that previous students had been increasingly told off for appearing after 8 am and not having clerked the patient in theatre beforehand, I attempted to locate the patient yesterday afternoon to clerk - only to be told that no one had any idea what time they would be turning up, be it afternoon, night or early this morning.

Did NOT want to mess up my only chance of watching a cardiac surgery (only one theatre day for CT Surgery out of the Cardiology placement), so I stumbled into the still dark hospital at an unearthly hour to try and clerk the patient beforehand. Bumped into this woman in stiletto heels and a white coat and made the mistake of not recognising her as the Cardiac surgeon doing the operation, and got told off severely for trying to clerk the patient before the surgery, hence potentially stressing the patient out - and that I should have done this yesterday.

Decided not to argue, because I felt that she did have a point, but she turned out to be alot nicer in the end. She was demonstrating a Mini Aortic Valve Replacement (different from the standard AVR in the sense that they were not doing a full sternotomy) to about 20 other surgeons / anaesthetists present that morning via video conferencing, and she said we could watch but couldn't go into theatre because it would probably be overcrowded.

Fair enough. Turned out to be amazing!! The view was better than any I could have asked for. And there was no way any CT Surgeon was going to let a medical student scrub in on his/her major open heart surgery anyway, so I figured there would not be any point going to stand in theatre and try to disappear behind into the walls.

My firmmate, who was initially extremely ticked off for not having been able to actually go into theatre today, ended up seeing the bright side of things just as I did, and agreed that this was possibly alot more useful than having been there physically. Fair enough, the jargon of Cardiothoracic Surgery remained. Arterial, venous cannulas for bypass, where to place holding sutures, what retractor to use, which situations to be wary of.....and when the patient when into resistant VT/VF towards the end, my firmmate was on the edge of her seat because the multiple attempts to defibrillate did not work - and yet much of me felt SO in awe of Prof J because she hardly batted an eyelash. In the end I think the anaesthetist gave the patient Amiodarone which settled, but it was definitely a bit of a hairy moment.

It is strange, when I reflect back, how a whole pool of people (larger than I would have imagined), have written me off as a Cardiothoracic surgeon wannabe. When I was 13, I distinctly remember filling in 'Neurosurgeon' as my 'type of Doctor I hoped to be'. By the time I was 18, after a bunch of wide-eyed, innocent, 'taster' medical attachments, I guess I was sort of thrown into the Cardio ocean by default, simply because I spent the most time there, because it was the easiest to just follow my uncle around.

Who knows, maybe familiarity stems interest? Maybe ignorant attachments do sort of influence the kind of affinity you have towards a specialty, because I still maintain that Ob Gyn horrifies me to this day (we'll see when I do that rotation for real next year). 2nd year 'electives' after that saw me doing Cardio again, simply because my initial plan failed. Again, no regrets. Cardiology was amazing. I loved the Reg I was with. Cardiothoracic Surgery, even more. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that the CT Surgeon became my best friend towards the end, but generally my experience with Cardio has been generally good.

I do maintain that I am biased, though. Mind over matter. Most of my good experiences have come from good teaching and camaraderie with teams I have worked with in the past. My first Gen Med consultant was a Rheumatologist, but that was probably one of the crucial moments that I realised I was more of a Medic than a Surgeon.

I sing no praises for my Cardio rotation. Georges has apparently one of the biggest Cardiothoracic Units in the South West of London, but the nicest thing I can say about the timetabling and the rotation is that it could be less haphazard, at the very least. And yet my preference for it has not faltered one bit. I wish I could have been allocated more clinic slots. I wish there were less people being rotated around and chucked into different things on different days. I wish I could have brought my murmur-identifying skills that much further. But I will just have to make do with things and lament less.

As a renown Cardiologist I know likes to say, "Do more, speak less. Prove by action."

Will do, will do.

Here's to Gen Surg next week. I'm sure it will be good.

Cardiorespiratory Arrest

I am stressed out.

I am frustrated.

I am edging on being depressed.

And strangely enough I am not even the one filling out my application for MTAS.

Maybe because I know I am most probably going to kiss my dreams of becoming a Cardio God goodbye.

And maybe because I haven't been studying like I am supposed to even though CK keeps saying 'I am always studying', just because she asked me on two occasions that I was 'supposed' to be.

Should have studied harder. Should have tried to be a more gungho medic. ARGH.

Through Thick and Thin, For Better or Worse

I came to take an interest in Singapore's Power Family, Lee Kuan Yew and family, after the initial exposure in Malaysian Studies sessions, when Mrs P would go on and on about how amazing Lee Hsien Loong was. How well educated all three of LKY's children were. And then later on, after some input from Bao, how pretentious Lee Wei Ling's weekly column in the NST was in Singapore - and how I can almost conclude that all neuro people are potentially just....weird.

And yet throughout all this, I had somehow managed to omit the presence of Mrs. Lee, despite the fact that she was on par, if not a step ahead of her husband, and her well-read children. It was only till recently through some mindless surfing and procrastinating on the net that I came across Lee Hsien Loong's eulogy for his mother, and subsequently Lee Wei Ling's.

But it was essentially Minister Mentor Lee's eulogy for his wife that brought a tinge of sadness deep within.

Reading through his reminisces of their times together that tracked all the way back from Singapore moments to relocating to Cambridge to read law, to marrying in secret, to all that they had managed to achieve before returning to Singapore, I couldn't help but feel copious amounts of envy. I remember reading somewhere once, when LKY recounted that the Western perception of marriage was to marry someone you love, and the Eastern way of looking at things was to love the person you had married - and that in this lifetime he had tried to do both.

And my bubble of cynicism burst, and I felt an overwhelming wave of sadness, when I realised that this was exactly how my grandmother must have felt when my grandfather passed on.

When you have spent more than three quarters of your life with someone, how easy is it to let go and continue living the rest of your life on your own again?

And then another bubble of doubt resurfaced, and I remembered the last scene in '500 Days of Summer', when Summer was telling Tom how she woke up one day and she just KNEW.....for sure, about what she had never been sure of when she was with Tom.

Hmm.....so through thick and thin......for better or worse.

What are the chances that everyone will end up like LKY and Mrs. Lee?

Heart-Stopping, Heart-Warming

So the last week of Gen Med passed by in the blink of an eye.

MAU was amazing, in more ways than one. The consultants, the pace of it, the many many teams bustling around, the way no one has time to speak more than the necessary 5 sentences to you, the way you think of yourself as being 'useful' by helping the On-Call team clerk patients first.

I love Acute Medicine. And was oh so pissed off initially when DB made me go to all the Onco MDT's etc after teaching because he was taking one whole day away from my MAU days! But I guess he made up for it after by going through all this incredible Cardio stuff with us. I haven't listened to an Ejection Systolic murmur in SO long. So hopefully more of that to come tomorrow.

And speaking of Cardio. I was catching up with a friend on Skype last week when she came up with this for me.

LOL. Call me cynical. Call me skeptical. But I guess it is easy to laugh it off now when you happen to not be the one in that position, hey?

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

So Cardio next, and then after that Gen Surg at this amazingly wonderful 'hole' at the end of the world named Epsom.

So the theme of this week shall be Hearts. Heart-stopping although it may not be, but perhaps it will be heart-warming at the very least.

Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgery.... and I heart my neneks <3

So....heart-stopping palpitations, a drama-filled life, or the presence of someone who makes your heart flutter that much more......vs. the heart-warming familiarity of amazing friends.

Give me heart-warming ANY day. But know that true friends are irreplaceable, at the very least.

Thank God I found you.

You know Apple is taking over the world when....

......this conversation happens between you and your consultant.

Me: Yeah, I've just looked up (this drug) on Pocket Prescriber.

DB: Isn't there an app for that sort of thing?

Me: Yes, probably, but I don't use an iPhone.

DB: Oh, right.

Me: (In my head) Pfftttt not EVERYTHING in life is about iPhones, iMacs or iPads, y'know.

Now I refuse to succumb EVEN more!!!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

This week has actually been alot more productive compared to the last. I started off the Monday with a good candidate as a Grand Round patient, managed to get almost all my WBA's signed off by today (Friday), and had a really good week overall - with Daisy, Lynn and Nenek last night, and my firmmate today. It's a little strange how I realise that I have ended up clicking best with this firmmate of mine, even though I was a little apprehensive at first, seeing as he was this orang putih guy whom I initially thought was a tad quiet and whom I had never known to exist before this.

Him: "No, we DO have the same phone." (I use a BB Curve 8900 and he, a Bold 9700).

Me: "No, look at the buttons. And also I use a Curve and you use a Bold."

Him: "What? Mine's a Curve and yours is a Bold?"

Me: Hahahahahahah!!!! (At his obvious lack of knowlege of Blackberrys)

He amuses me through and through. Not to mention his blurness does remind me of hpy at times. Oncology has not been fantabulous, but I will say that conversations with him are probably the best part of this whole rotation. Not to mention a nice dress sense. Ahhhh, crush-worthy - from a safe distance. Because I know he has a girlfriend. Well, cheap thrills :)

But we had a really good teaching session with the CT2 who had been on study break and was just recently back, and both managed to get a CEX signed off.

Good day :)

I hope my good days continue and that my mood will remain this elevated for a while. And seeing as I am anticipating a good weekend of Opera with Chekkie & Zen and a good luncheon with Daisy Hoo, I am pretty sure I will be okay.

Yet, I need to constantly remind myself that all demons of the mind are IN the mind itself and do not exist outside of it in real life.

Even if they are demons of your past, that you have cursed yourself a zillion times over for ever making that most stupid mistake of your life.

As hpy has constantly reminded me last year, that momentary blip in my life has probably forever tarnished my record AND my reputation. And yet I have moved on and put that part of my life behind.....with HUGE relief!

Ah well, I guess I always knew that she who has skeletons to hide in her closet will one day be found out eventually anyway.

My Mental Kick

Reading a friend's blog gave me a mental kick to make myself realise that I should not be wallowing and drowning further in my self-conjured rut before I could no longer save myself.

It took me a whole day of Acute Medicine on Friday at MAU to make myself aware that I had to buck up, or else I was already breaking the solemn promise I had made at the beginning of this academic year. Sure, Oncology perhaps was not the career of my dreams, yet I had to see a bright side to everything, and I had failed myself horribly by being frustrated about the wrong things, such as not having any Juniors on the team, hence the difficulty to get someone to even listen to a 5 minute history presentation.

Amazing how the mind could overpower someone so thoroughly.

I spent the weekend recuperating with a whole day of reading (NOT Medicine). It's been a while since I was this addicted to a novel, and 'The Lost Symbol' did just that. It wasn't fantabulous, mind you, but sometimes all you need is a quiet day at home, curled up in your bed with your favourite author and a mind void of all niggling, trivial matters.

EXCEPT!!! The ending failed to deliver!! It gave me a rather anti-climax feel, and I was left a bit bewildered. Perhaps my brain is rather slow (as always), or perhaps I just need to read it again! Daisy Hoo did not seem to agree with me.

Me: OMG! Ending sucks! I need to read it again.

DH: Hahahaah. Please! Read again also ending will not change okay!

Pffttt. I will prove you wrong......well, next weekend. When I have another of my quiet reading days.

For the moment, I really need to buck up tomorrow and get my Mojo back.

*psychs self* I Love Oncology. I will find my Grand Round patient tomorrow. I love Dr. B.

On another note, visited the Queen today. More on that another time ;)

I Dream a Dream

So after ten thousand years, I FINALLY got around to watching Inception last night.

One word: AMAAAAAZING.

I was afraid my attention might shift from time to time during the movie, seeing how lengthy it was and because I was suffering from some post-prandial drowsiness, but I did not drift ONE bit.

The bad thing though, was that when it had all ended, I started thinking how a movie like that could actually mess with the minds of people. Those who were, perhaps, slightly disturbed, or weaker than others - who had a mountain of emotional baggage riding on their shoulders, i.e. Marion Cotillard's character in the movie.

A dream within a dream within a dream.

Three layer dreams. Who would have thought. Hats off to the one who devised and wrote out this idea on script. I could never have thought it possible no matter how much I sharpened my literary skills (which have now turned to a mush).

Not even the slightest possible shrivel of hope, but I could not help wishing that I could wake up one day and all the shit that had happened in the past had just turned out to be one.....no, make that THREE huge bad dreams. And that the day that I wake up, I would just be in my comfortable old bed in my familiar old room in Kch, snoozing away....and that time would just have moved past an hour.

Sometimes I look at myself and I dread to think how much of the old Alyssa Sim has disappeared into nothingness, because every bit of an obstacle that topples me off my well laid-out path has brought me further and further from the person I once knew - some in ways that could be medal-deserving, others in ways that are possibly heart-wrenching, to say the least.

When Mal echoed "You said you had a dream that we would grow old together", I couldn't help but feel for her.

And then I remembered when hpy said how he would look back at his old photos and realise that he could never smile back the way he used to anymore. I look back at mine and think that I look like a shadow of the past.

Hpy had a dream that he was rolling in money. I had a dream that all the mistakes I had made in the past year or two had been just one hell of a nightmare.

But ahh.....what's to say. We wake up. Nothing has changed an iota. Reality sucks, my dear.

GMT Tomorrow #2

#2 because I wrote a post with the exact same title one year ago, when I was leaving for 3rd year, but I never brought myself around to publishing it.

One year later, it has gotten slightly better, but not alot. It WAS alot worse in January, when I was ridden with emotional baggage and dreading a zillion and one trivial things. This summer, I have to say that I am a different person by far.

In July, I remembered thinking that I would just have to pass these damn exams, and then I could spend the whole holiday emo-ing as much as I wanted, I just had to keep my head during that mugging period and not let it drift. When summer swung around and I found no emo vibe within, it was then that I realised I had achieved even more than I had anticipated over the past year.

This academic year, all I have is ONE aim. To focus on passing finals and to eradicate anything or anyone who didn't matter from my system.

So I am not jumping for joy at the thought of returning to London and I hate that every time I come back to Kch, no part of me wants to leave - as much as we complain about the weather, the humidity, or the lack of interesting places to visit.

But I guess I have achieved all that I have wanted to this summer. Be it the EtoH and chilling sessions in Perth, having the most awesome time with my cousin, nights out in the past week with Jane, meeting the KL peeps, and to top it off, my last outing in Kch spent drenched in sweat. Kolo Mee, aye. Carpenter Street, aye. Cheap thrill, but made me smile while it lasted :)

Now I have Bao to look forward to in Singapore (Thank God for that) before I take off at night.

Gen Med, bring it on. I know nuts about Oncology, not that I knew anything much in 3rd year, but there's no letting shit hit the fan this time around. Focus focus focus.

See you guys back on the other side, with my newly chopped and dyed hair.

XOXO

One More Down....

Passed my exams!!! WOOTS!!

Am completely ecstatic, although I have yet to receive the proper breakdown of marks etc. But this means my summer plans are in place, to say the least.

Painting Perth red?

And Kay Elllleee town - I have missed you soooo!!

Shopping / EtoH, and also time to stop procrastinating now. Time to hit the swimming pool and the gym. No more excuse of pushing everything till 'after Thursday'.

WOOTS!

The Championships.....THIS Year

When I blogged about the Championships last year, it had never ever crossed my mind that whole year later, I would not only be visiting the Wimbledon grounds on the 2nd day, but gracing the reknown Centre Court with my presence a week later.

Unfortunate as it was that the Federer Express faltered before my very eyes by the supposed NOOB Berdych who went on to trash my Djoker (not so Noob after all I guess), it was as amazing an experience as any. The shouts of "Let's Go, Roger!!" echoing around Centre Court and the surreal reality of watching the Hero himself in action, despite the steep price I had to pay, was definitely worth it. Alongside the fact that I can now check off 'Attending the Wimbledon Men's Quarter Finals' in my To-Do Book.

Perhaps next year Djoker will not disappoint as much. And perhaps next year, I will get to see him in full form.

For the moment, I am in awe of THIS spaniard.

Not because I think he is cute because he is NOT (and since when was I soooo shallow like that?! -flips hair- Lol) but because this guy is a fighter like no other.

When Berdych towed down the great Federer and then my Djoker like a lawnmower, he was on a roll, and yet at the end of the day he was no match for Rafa. As the commentator said, it was a pretty straightforward final - quite unlike the epic 5 hour match between Federer and Roddick that I watched at home last year, which was oh-so-frustrating, but it was a brilliant show of tennis nonetheless.

Someone once mentioned that the English football team (sorry to sidetrack a little) had a terrible weakness in terms of mental strength - that they played according to the scores and once they were down there was no way they could actually claw their way back on top in retaliation. Much like Liverpool, perhaps *cough cough*.

I saw that again in Djoker - this lack of determination and mental strength. So easy for us to say, yet when you are there on the spot and 2 sets down, it is so easy to just give in to defeat. I remember my squash tournament two years ago, when I was 2 sets up, and somehow managed to lose that lead, finding myself fighting for the final, determining set - how nerve-wracking that was, how easy it was to just slump into defeat because of the overbearing pressure.

I may not be a professional tennis player. But Rafa Nadal definitely is MY source of inspiration to fight through to the end. When the difficult bits of sitting for exams and slaving through mounds of material to mug for are over, the light and the reward will come.

Focus. Determination. Strength.

VAMOS RAFA!

VAMOS, SHING!!

Wimbledon 2010

Okay so this post is about a week overdue, simply because I haven't actually found the time to blog about my experience at the Championships, and I've been juggling so many other things this week amidst trying to set myself straight.

Tuesday 22nd June - Wimbledon Day 2.

Wei, LX and I arrived at the grounds for 'The Queue' at 7 am. The funniest thing had to be me voicing out doubts whether there could possibly be anyone as crazy as us that would be there at such an unearthly hour, seeing as the first match started at 12 pm.

Who would have thought....

We were beaten to the chase by just about 2000 people. The Queue Card said it all. So Ground tickets we had to settle for. Ahh well.

No matter anyway. I was excited enough just looking at the span of green lawn rolling out before me. Yes, first time. Easily satisfied. Zero expectations.

We amused ourselves by painting nails.

And taking many pictures with Wei's funky DSLR.

Inside the Grounds of the All England Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club finally!

Gilles Simon on Court 6! I became a fan of this French dude after that day. And yes, it helps that he is quite the looker :)

On Henman Hill - where we watched Nadal trash Kei Nishikori's ass on the big screen.

Overall - I turned red first, and THEN black. And currently I am about ten shades darker than I originally was - which is quite a feat for me. (Congratulations, British Sun =P) But it was well worth a first time experience.

Except now I am soooo envious of all the spectators in Centre Court, and even more envious of Bao / Woogui!

Well, I am aiming in that direction :)

And as an end note: Confessions of a newly-converted Crazed tennis fan - I have been following The Championships more dilligently this year than the World Cup!

*cue GASSPPP*

PS: Credits to Wei for all these amazing pictures from that funky DSLR.

Coping Mechanisms

Life....issues.....drama......PMS. Who are we kidding? Even when it is not that time of the month and life is considerably drama or issue-free, we all get our moments of 'sienness' or emo bouts, or even those days that you open your eyes and wished that you could just sleep forever.

(Hello Garfield? Could we just exchange places for one day please?)

So we have coping mechanisms. To each her own.

I remembered a time when mine was JH-induced laughter. Or Zhin-induced laughter.

And then as the years went by and JH and Zhin's roles slowly diminished in my life, I found different therapeutic methods of making life that much more bearable.

The first being my BFF and possibly the funniest person ever in this world, Pei Hua.

And the second - not so good, scrape that: not good at ALL - was retail therapy.

The week before, I had bouts of intermittent 'sienness'. Days when you just felt like you really needed a break from this world and just dream about post-exam freedom and summer holidays in the comfort of home. And then I got that break from the world when I had the most fabulous weekend ever with PH over AND our marathon shopping trips - more cardio than I could ever have done in one gym session, I assure you.

Despite the unproductiveness of our shopping spree, the endless hours of conversation, the uncontrollable laughter, the sniggering at TV shows on my computer, the Youtube surfing, the eating sessions - everything was worth so much more. Our numerous mini trips between London and Manchester have been the many highlights of my year, and in the darker moments, given me something to hold on to and move forward.

And at the end of the weekend, I decided that there was no way that I was letting PMS combat me and succumb to using it as a weak excuse for everything.

Because even in those bleak moments, you realise that these things are probably all that you need in life:

A Bestie

And SHOPPINNNGGGG

(you didn't see the second line. Shopaholic who??)

The Road to Wimbledon

Continuing the sudden Tennis faze, my non-tennisplayer friends and I have been even more hooked on the game as of late. Well, don't blame me. I have always been an avid follower of Grand Slams - I can't say the same for the others. I'd like to think, like what LX said, that I sparked this trend, but then again, it wouldn't do to be THAT full of yourself, or anything like that.

With the Roland Garros rounding up and coming to a stylish end, I have started discarding my immense distaste of Rafa Nadal since this tournament. No one probably deserved to be at this Final more than he did, and he had emerged the strongest fighter amongst all the top-seeded players this time round, for sure.

I might even *GASP* consider watching him play Soderling in the Finals tomorrow - amidst my procrastination from digesting some real medical stuff (don't even get me started) - although I am pretty sure Rafa could probably just carry the trophy home right now.

MI (Myocardial Infarction, Heart Attack) Inducing Event of the week had to belong to Wednesday when Djoker crashed out on me right before my very eyes after I switched to watching Nadal's match because the streaming sucked and because I was quite certain that 'Djoker would be alright'.

Don't even get me started.

There were a few strokes of genius from the man (who was a shadow of his Australian Open '08 Champion Self) but generally, he failed to impress.

I have to say this again: ARRGGGHHHHH!!!

Okay, done. I am done clinging on to the past. Djoker is out. I will move on and look towards Wimbledon.

Despite the universal fact that I would be in the same city as this massive Grand Slam, and having known that for almost a year now, plus all those trips on the bus past Centre Court on the way back from GP and so forth - it had not fully sunk in until NOW.

Now I am excited! (Yes, kill me. I will do anything to procrastinate, including rave about a sport that I don't even play. Even the World Cup seems to fade in comparison. But we'll go there another day).

So....fastest fingers into play. Ticketmaster. Night before. Hyperventilate. Exams....what exams?

Centre Court, anyone? ;)

AND in collaboration with all the Tennis Festivities, it only seemed natural to come up with a Poll.

Who Is Your Favourite Tennis Player?

My 'Roland Garros'

I have been diligently watching any Live matches streamed on BBC Sport that I can get my hands on to be in tune with the Roland Garros fever. It is amazing how you can just sit there and watch them drive those powered shots down the line, across the court, pound those aces....and you almost, ALMOST imagine that it was actually that easy and you could achieve all of that too.

Like I said, reality bites. I have never been a gifted athlete, and your mid twenties isn't exactly the best time for any of that to change.

So after 10 or possibly 12 years of not touching a tennis racket, I decided to try playing the game again. Much thanks to Chekkie for lending me her racket.

Prior to today's scheduled game with LX and friends, I remembered again how easy it was for me to be obsessed with the game all those years back - which was why my cousin and I decided to beg our parents to let us join the tennis club and take up lessons.

I have been much deprived of tennis matches with no TV in my place...but I remember how easy it was to OD on the Wimbledon, on the Australian Open - shouting to myself while watching them play, or most of the time....gaping in awe at Federer and his complacent composure. I remembered as well, how I went overboard buying tennis outfits, mixing and matching the skorts with different tops - I should have sensed my shopaholic tendency back when I was a mere 13 year old teenager - to be decked out in the fanciest tennis gear possible, only to drop the game after less than a year.

So, today, my first dapple at tennis after a decade proved to be....interesting. I had underestimated how different it was to squash in terms of speed and the height of the ball bouncing. Of the importance of body positioning and how difficult the tennis backhand was. And how I could not even hit a single ball straight down the line - which was shocking because this was my specialty in squash.

I had forgotten how much I missed being able to play racket games regularly, whenever I wanted, with people who could actually play the game. It took me this long to realise how much I missed playing at the National Squash Centre with Bikash and Chui Munn and other people who could play. And it took me this long to remember that JH was a tennis player, not a squash player, and that I should have probably started picking up the game when he was still around.

Oh well, it's never too late to start. I have missed being sporty. I have missed being athletic. And even though I am no regular multi-talented athlete at heart, I am willing to give tennis a shot. Who knows.....I might turn out to be a shadow (at most) of my Djoker ;)

RPK in London

PS: Excuse the frightful quality of pictures. This was the most my BB could do.

Last weekend, Hanna and I decided to be EVEN more insightful and learned and attended a political lecture by 'hardcore' (some might even go as far as infamous?) Malaysian blogger, RPK (Raja Petra Kamaruddin) at the BPP Law School in Holborn. Much thanks to LX who informed me that he was speaking that Saturday - the pseudo Malaysian that I am does not follow Malaysia Today. Time to turn over a new leaf. What say you? ;)

I did not regret attending the lecture at all. Was a little skeptical at first. Again, emphasising on the 'pseudo Malaysian' bit in me, there was little that I actually knew about the Internal Security Act (ISA) apart from the fact that, well, there WAS an ISA in Malaysia. But then I realised, this was almost as though I was going to meet a Malaysian celebrity in London *puts on Bimbo cap* and definitely not a chance to be missed.

The two hours flew by without my realising it, and I was enthralled with every single word that he spoke. It is possibly rare, and shocking even, to find a writer who is equally charismatic, captivating, unafraid to speak his mind with an equally fabulous sense of humour to boost - and RPK was all of the above AND more. My Saturday was made just by laughing aloud at his quips of sarcasm and dry humour, and my heart went out to him when he recreated the horrendous scenes of the detention centre. That much courage, I certainly did not have. And kudos to him for that amazing showcase of indigence, or more simply put in his words 'being a stubborn bastard'.

On the previous 'bimbotic' note, you know that you are in a celebrity's 2 metre radius when he is flanked by two massive, sunglass-clad, scary-looking, KGB Member Lookalikes who stood on either side of him throughout the entire event, and even escorted him into the lift at the lobby before it began. Again, because I have been watching and reading radical, political and terrorist-themed material all weekend (read: Munich), this made me realise how easy it would be for someone like him to be in a great amount of potential danger, because there were as many people out there who probably thought of him alot more than merely a 'stubborn bastard'.

End note: There is much that we lament every day about our country and the state it is getting to these days. How corruption used to be a thing of deeply-sworn secrecy in the past, but now the cheating even went on with the cards on the table. People think that the government is screwed up, and a tsunami of a change could bring about 'revolution'. I say this is true theoretically, but it isn't all as easy as it sounds. And coming from me, who is almost pseudo Malaysian (only in terms of Food, I insist!) and lacks patriotism rather significantly - all I can say is that I wish I had done more in terms of following up on politics and getting to know the country better before this.

After all, home is still home.

And Malaysia, TRRRUUULLYYY Asia, is mine.

Insight

In the midst of some late-night skyping with bestie Pei Hua on Friday, I came across the 1972 Munich Massacre while randomly googling stuff on Wikipedia (Don't ask me how I got there. I certainly wasn't googling 'Crazy Terrorist Acts of the 20th Century'). And this reminded me of those years back when I watched the movie 'Munich', starring the very endearing Eric Bana, with a bunch of guys, and was so horrified by all the violence and shooting back then. Did not, I might add, gain much insight into the actual historical event that this movie was based loosely on as well.

So, in my resolution to be more learned and insightful, I thought I'd download the movie again and re-watch it through different, more perceptive eyes.

Good move.

Even reading text of how the 11 innocent souls were so brutally slain during the 1972 Olympics on German soil had sent shivers down my back. To imagine yourself as one of those who was awoken in the midst of beauty sleep by gunshots and blood spattering on the wall, only to find yourself bound and dragged along to impending doom. But watching snippets of the massacre as flashbacks in the movie was an entirely different thing. By the end of it, I was horrified and incredibly sad. Both by the inhumanity of the terrorists and the huge fumbling of a rescue that the Germans had so clumsily executed.

The aftermath was of course, an entirely different tale of its own. A part of me realised this is possibly how schizophrenics actually COULD go off reeling on a different direction of their own. And how doing something as innocent as walking down a dark, rainy alley on a London road or picking up a telephone call could just end in bloodbath.

My point?

I'm not entirely sure I have one. This weekend has been filled with alot of reading of non-medical related stuff (KILL ME NOW), revisiting History, reviewing political pages, reading blog entries, listening to political lectures....but we will go there another day....and of course, catching up with my best friend.

And we have both agreed that life is short. We only live once. So seize the moment and make the most out of it.

No emo nemo. Time to buck up!

Ahoy Sailor!

You know summer is here when the sun pokes through your blinds at the unearthly hour of 5 am, waking you up, and at the very next extreme, you look up at the clock, only to start and realise it is 9 freaking pm, and you have not done any work, because you thought it was merely 7 pm or so.

Ahhh these summer days.

I grabbed the opportunity of not having to go into the wards and meet patients on Wednesday to prance into lectures / tutorials with my much-awaited unveiling of summer attire for the season - shorts and gladiator sandals, which got quite a number of comments from fellow friends. Lol. Sorry, this is what sun deprivation does to you.

One of the summer trends that I have been coveting after, and which have hit the streets hard this season, however, has got to be the Nautical look, which Hanna and I both have a huge thing for.

After much scouting around the High Streets, I finally got my hands on a nautical-inspired, striped shirt - and I love it already! I was able to dress it up with high-waisted black pants and a bib-style necklace to make it hospital-worthy for meeting patients on the wards; and on the other hand, I could possibly just throw it together with one of my many pairs of shorts or with three-quarter rolled-up chinos for a laid back look.

I love how it is so easy to pull off, yet defines that preppy look almost in an instant. Definitely my style! No-fuss yet structured.

I know the Nautical look isn't something particularly new - in fact most designers come up with Cruise Collections every summer, and I was first introduced to this by none other than the Fashion Queen herself, Blair Waldorf in Season 1:

Remember this look?

I don't think I'm quite ready for that, though. That would take some serious strutting of style, and an inch-perfect figure to date. So for the moment, I'll just stick with the understated and this:

So....what is your favourite summer trend?

The Foodie Club

I have never been a Foodie. Trust me, coming from the person who invented and popularised the 'Water Diet' (and has now failed to stick to it herself), there are many times when I eat something and I have entirely No Comment, for the simple reason that I can't really be bothered. Unless something is undeniably, glaringly bad, most of the stuff pretty much taste the same to me. In that way, I am no picky eater. But at the same time, I could do perfectly fine with foregoing alot of food as well.

But contrary to JH's popular belief and kind volunteering on my behalf that 'She doesn't eat!', I have improved tremendously in the past few years or so. Much thanks to my many food adventures with Pei Hua, Keng and Nick. (*ahem*loushufancoffinshop*ahem).

My biggest achievement to date, though, has to be our visit to Archipelago last Friday. I had been slightly apprehensive beforehand upon reading about scorpion, zebra, kangaroo, ostrich dishes, but decided what the hell. Hey, you only live once right? And since the restaurant gave Daph so much grief with its seemingly ever-full reservations and constant changing of our reservation times, I figured it had to be worth this hype.

And it didn't fail to disappoint, really!

(Pics credited to Daph and her amazing DSLR)

Menus in the form of Novels!

Kangaroo (Possibly the unanimous Favourite)

Zebra and Soba Noodles

Crocodile wrapped in leaves

Wildebeast

Next up: Foodie's Festival on 28/5/10 at Hampton Court.

I foresee the pounds piling on already. Might have to consider resurrecting the Water Diet after all these :)

Those Lovely Tresses

It is insane how fast my hair grows! Four months since my last haircut and I absolutely can NOT stand it already.

ARGHHH. Might just chop it all off next week. I foresee myself turning into Rapunzel by the end of July and boy, it is not a pretty picture, I assure you.

Long, long hair is definitely not my thing. DEFINITELY NOT.

Anymore of this and I might just go crazy and hack it all off....neck-length, bob-style. Pfftt.

Au Revoir. Till We Meet Again.

Had a fabulous fun-filled afternoon belting my lungs out with my 4 fabulous friends who so kindly offered some Singstar therapy to lift my spirits. Here's to Wei, Matun, LX and YL. You guys are the best! And also, kudos to the hidden talent of YLH who vehemently refused to participate, only to turn out to be a POPSTAR. Heheheh ;)

Weather unfortunately took a turn for the worse this week. Goodbye to shorts and coatless scurries to and from the hospital. Pfftt. I spiked a bit of a temp on Monday, which explained my incessant complaints of the cold in Hammersmith and to and from Heathrow. Seems to have turned into a bit of a flu as of now, but ahh well. I can't really be bothered about Vascular Surgery anyway. Have been in a bit of a 'cant be arsed' mood since Monday. I would rather spend some of the time working on more Learning Objectives rather than faffing around doing nothing productive I reckon.

So much for being an emotional roller-coaster. So much for the gung-ho enthusiasm that I maintained throughout Colorectal Surgery. So much for really enjoying the rotation. So much for earning a medal for not letting my guard down and shedding any tears for the whole week prior to Monday.

I guess I shouldn't really complain. I had purposely planned my Monday so that I was free and so that I could max out the time possibly spent with JH right until he left. And I was perfectly fine for most of it. Maybe it's because it is Wednesday night and just a week ago, we were eating my failed attempt at reinacting Kch's authentic Kolo Mee and reminiscing about the good old times for a full 4 hours or so, and I even ended with an optimistic "It's okay. I'll see you soon."

And now my couch is filled with a good 6 kg worth of clothes/shoes/laptop bag/laundry bag/hairdryer/glass (!)/and laptop manual guides that I had lugged back from Heathrow because I had predicted this massive excess in baggage weight, and I felt that it was the least I could do to prevent any panic or lack of better judgement on the spot.

Maybe because the past few years have flown by just like that, and it had never occurred properly to me that one day the reality of Farewell would appear right ahead.

Maybe because you will always be one of the only people in this world whom I can click so well with and who can make me laugh genuinely from the heart.

And you will always be irreplaceable in my heart. BFF, Greatest Friend Ever. Buaya. HPY. Whatever.

Thank you for everything. For all the good times. For all the patience despite my thoughtless tantrums. For picking me up when I needed support the most. For helping me find myself again. For all the laughter and 'intellectual banter'. For just being there and being you.

And hopefully you will come back soon and we will meet again :)

Retrogade Amnesia

Close your eyes.

I'm closer than you think. You're closer than you think.

Yet every time I think of you, I die, a little.

-

I cannot remember anything.

I remember nothing.

I have forgotten Everything.

Shingshing in Tenerife

April 1st - April 4th 2010

Rocking the Canary Islands with my favourite girls in the whole wide world.

Here's to 5 years of unwavering, rock-steady friendship and more :)

I miss the sun, the sea and you girls already XX